D Cyclone NUTS Chronicles #10 C

September 9, MMVII


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< Salute, pilots from Wing X, Wing Commander Angel, Commodore Darklord and last but not least Flight Officer Daniel Bonini >


Welcome to this, my tenth Weekly Report for my beloved Squadron, the mighty Cyclone, "The Demolition Crew". Another fair week with tons of missions flown due to Colonel Maverick's increasing mind disorders and my own work trying to kill our WC and get his jo... errr... I mean: trying for him to appear as a successful flag motivating his pilots into flying activity.

Let's keep it on, guys!!! I'm proud of you! And I want all of you participating in our new Squadron-level highscores competition or there won't be more sugar for you. So it is written so it shall be done (Ramses II dixit). ^_^

I.) But I thought I'd find some Kansas flying farm here!! (aka. Squadron News)


V Your most beloved CMDR (officially, I know perfectly you're still trying to bribe the Chal's turbolasers crew for they to aim at my "Flying Office" :-P) ranked 1st! in Pilot Section of August "Training Office Triathlon" thus being awarded an IS-GW. The problem here is that I don't see any of you as 2nd or 3rd player... WTF?!! THIS IS CYYYYYYCLONE!!! We could own their Universe any day of the week if we're in the mood for that. Try to play sober next time... or even more drunk! ;-)

V Lieutenant Vertigo, Cyclone 1-2, has been awarded one of those accursed blasted $·&3~?¬# IS-GRs for having completed both [MP/2] and [AMP] IWATS Courses scoring 90% or more according to the basis stated on my 'A Mission lasts 15 mins... a "Kill" lasts Forever!!' competition, which is now over by the way. The rest of you lost your train... pffftt... you won't have many more easy opportunities like this one to grab one of those shinies; even myself have only one to date (although I should have another but that's a loooong and boring history). Anyway, next time I run one of these thingies I expect all of you to participate damnit!! RTFR!!!! (which stands for "Read The F<CoC CENSORED>ng Reports") >:_\

V Colonel Maverick (you'll find him if you look for a freak Cyclone Flight Leader wearing a GoE), Cyclone 3-1, has decided to follow LT Vertigo steps and tried to kill me this week tossing several pilot files to my head. Although his onslaught hasn't been so cruel (for now... :-|) I must admit I already added him to my "Great and loyal Imperial Officers to be obliterated" list. Good work, Colonel! Keep it on!! And watch your six!!! >:)

/me kisses his special warhead made of compacted BSF approvals. It has something written on it: "Now you would have prefered me to leave them for tomorrow, right? RIGHT?!!"

V Many new Fleet-wide competitions available for you, my minions, to pin good metal at your chests! Don't forget to check my "Competitions" section either here or at the Cyclone website. You can find them also at the database itself and for those of you who are still worshiping the Slackering G0ds or learning what a database is, where is it, what is its secret and who does it serve ("Excalibur" dixit) HERE you have a link. I'm soooo friendly... ^_^

/me continues sharpening his CMDR Scythe®


( Sorry. No "Spoilers" yet. This week my imagination is so fried after having flown up to 200± FREE missions that I can hardly provide enough nonsenses to fill this report. But they're coming... they're coming... (*ominous sounds*) )

II.) As if we haven't enough already with all the TC database stuff!! (aka. Squadron Status and On-going Competitions)


R To date I've already recieved response from Lieutenant Commander Godo Nurok and Lieutenant Lvpps to my "I want you alive!" e-mail. Thank you guys! =)

      Lieutenant Kraxian Oxxysk and Captain Bodo Dent, should I assume that you prefer to be counted as "tombstone requests" in days ahead? Write me some e-mail! Do an IWATS! Fly a mission! DO SOMETHING!! How the hell am I supposed to prepare the invasion of Scotland with such marmot-lovers levels of motivation?!! >:P

Q I'm still trying to hire a new Flight Leader for "The Wind of Change". I'm doing what I can forwarding blackmailing e-mails, stealing Mav's money to pay bribes and performing as an eventual music hall singer in some unnamed Outer Rim systems in order to get some foolish mortal applying for the spot ASAP. But remember that also YOU, my fellow Cyclonites, are free to apply if you want. I told you what were my basis in my last report so you know what to do for your CMDR to lov... to *appreciate* you.

Q Yet another weekly Cyclone website update. But then again isdchallenge.net has become unreachable for me soon after I uploaded the last update. I used some IP locator to spot the failure and it comes from some "RapidSwitch" server in London (U.K.). If any of you lives around there could you please put those guys to drink Thames' water for me? ^_^

Q And here you are the current status of our Squadron-level competitions for September!!! Not much participation to date if not for the good old Colonel, but I'm looking forward for you to change this as soon as you can.

Cyclone Pilot of September '07 - October '07

COL Maverick - 79 missions
LT Vertigo - 47 missions

Cyclone Student of September '07 - October '07

LT Vertigo - 2 IWATS Courses

A little HS for a Cyclonite, a major hit against the NR punks!

First of all here you are MY scores for the missions. Beat these and you'll be awarded an additional Bronze shiny:

TIE-FREE 27: 109,194
XvT-FREE 76: 61,360
BoP-FREE 27: 78,900
XWA-FREE 117: 13,758

And as I managed to get the highscores for all them here you're also the former highscore owners and their scores. If you beat any of these the result will be the same: you'll get an additional IS-BW. So, what's the point on going after MY scores? Dunno, to try to piss me off by the book? xD No, really, if you manage to beat one of mine you'll also have my admiration not to mention the highscore itself for that mission:

TIE-FREE 27: LCM Mayk Drazzic - 106256
XvT-FREE 76: COL Dax Corrin - 47822
BoP-FREE 27: CM Duken - 35761
XWA-FREE 117: MAJ Frankie - 11111

LAST MINUTE NOTE (Very Important!): It seems XvT-FREE 76 has a nasty bug if playing on Hard. And it's not necessary to mention that if you want to have a chance of getting a good score you'll WANT to play on Hard. There's an additional Primary Objective to be completed in order to finish the mission which doesn't appear when you use the "G" key. It DOES appear on Medium though and that's how I found it:

- At least one of TIE Advanced Flight Group Raptor must have completed mission (returning to ISD Subjugator)

II.a) Squadron Competitions

P Cyclone Pilot of the Month September '07 - October '07
Details HERE
The classic competition established by our own LC Beir on its newest edition. I won't participate so YOU KNOW what to do!!

O Cyclone Student of the Month September '07 - October '07
Details HERE
Because here we also learn... slackering at least

N A little HS for a Cyclonite, a major hit against the NR punks!
Details HERE
Do you see all those proud highscore owners? I want them all defeated within the month! Do you see that cretin you have as CMDR feeling so good with all those wreckages at his chest? Finish him!!! Plenty of Bronze Wings upon you!

II.b) Wing / Ship Competitions

L Monthly Art and Literature Award
It seems our Wing Commander DISCONTINUED this one for the time being. Maybe low participation? :-P

L Challenge Top Gun #2
Details HERE
A whole month to fly 2 FREE missions hunting highscores... the best excuses for not flying them will be awarded a rabid Ewok fencing a pitchfork!!
This month's sorties are: TIE-FREE 111 & XWA-FREE 41

L Wing X Pilot of the Week #2
Details HERE
And here we have again the classic Wing X PotW/PotM!! But behold! This time it's a strictly flying one and the Iron Stars come with wings and not ribbons. FLY!! Fly as hell and don't even think why are you doing so and you may get IS-SWs/IS-BWs, a broken joystick and a brand new mental disorder. 3 for the prize of 1!! :D

L A Man(dalorian's) Tale Pt II
Details HERE
This splendid and interesting Run-On was started by LC Kadon Beir some time ago. Nobody has posted there from some time but the Run-On is still on going and if anybody wants to continue with such a good story I'll be more than pleased to submit more editions until it's finished. Agatha Christie with some help from Tarantino wouldn't have do it better!

L Thunder Banner Comp
Details HERE
Colonel Apophis Kuma decided to give the "kangaroo pilots" the chance of making a new banner for their gang. BUT! If none of them participate there of they decide to forward him plain crap the competition will be pushed to the whole Wing, so maybe you could make something interesting for him.

L Thunder Nickname/Motto Comp
Details HERE
The same as above but involving Nicknames and Mottos this time. On a side note: if you want to use Latin you MUST know Latin... I'm done with those snob dudes trying to use Latin stuff full of errors due to their uneducation.

II.c) Emperor's Hammer / TIE Corps / TC Battlegroups Competitions

Oh! Oh my good Lord!! But if I'm going to repeat some TC site info here. Please, have mercy!! :-P

L Ace of the TIE Corps - August 2007 (September edition not submitted yet but it will be there 100% sure)
Details HERE
Simple, pretty simple: fly as hell, make your CMDR's life miserable BSFing your stuff and earn medals for it. IS-GW, IS-SW and IS-BW for the 3 best ranking players at the Single Player Kill Board. What else do you need to fill your IDline with useless titles as myself?

L MP Ace of the TIE Corps - August 2007 (September edition not submitted yet but it will be there 100% sure)
Details HERE
MP division of the monthly Ace competition above. KILL everybody and feel proud for it!!
IS-GW, IS-SW and IS-BW for the 3 best ranking players at the Multiplayer Kill Board. You gotta love it!!

L Roster Fact Hunt VI
Details HERE
The COMM wants you to scavenge the database searching for some rusty (and some not so rusty) officers from the very EH Jurassic era!! Find them, pin some more shinies at your chest and call yourselves a true "Imperial Indiana Jones" dude!

L Build that mission!
Details HERE
Vice Admiral Dempsey is still looking for a capable guy to hit the 100% in TM/3. Go and teach her what you're capable of!

I TAC Office logo
Details HERE
Now Vice Admiral Dempsey, our own happy TACcy, wants also a fancy logo for her office. Don't even dare to disappoint Ms. EH!! Not when there's an IS-GR up for grabs and Michelangelo-nerds.

L TAC's best
Details HERE
Great!! Lovely!! Not only the highscore-hunters around will see their FCHG increased while destroying your hopes slowly but they'll also earn IS-GWs and IS-SWs for it! Your only hope? To be ONE OF THOSE damned highscore-hunters!

L Iconify
Details HERE
Fleet Admiral Bevel Leeson, esteemed IO, tosses IS-GRs for just two icons!! Never a CS officer gave so much for so little...

L Krayt Squadron Report Banner Competition
Details HERE
So are you really willing to work for the "Subs"? But... But... WHY?! Ahhh, the IS-BR... ok, ok, if you say so... :-P

H Friday's Vaping Rhapsody (Multiplayer!!)
My own hosted MP competition! Played on #ehcoo every Friday from 12:30 EST to 15:30 EST. Either XvT, XWA, FW or IA matches and DFCs available for those skillful enough to get one!

G TIE Corps Capital Brawl (Multiplayer!!)
Hosted by COL Stryker every Wednesday on #ehcoo from 14:00 EST to 19:00 EST. Exclusive FW Multiplayer competition involving capital ships matches. DFCs up for grabs and bribes.

F TIE Corps Training (Multiplayer!!)
Exactly the same as my own competition but hosted also by COL Stryker it happens every Saturday on #ehcoo from 13:00 EST to 16:00 EST.

III.) No activity?!! You're in the Eye of the Cyclone, by Palpatine's sake! You should be at least dying!

III.a) Transfers / Promotions/ Awards / Bribes


1-1 CPT Zósite Kónstyte Styles   

  • Awarded IS-GW
  • Awarded IS-SR
  • Awarded MoC-BoC


1-2 LT Vertigo    

  • Awarded IS-GR


3-1 COL Maverick    

  • Awarded IS-BW ( Not awarded yet but it will be for sure in a question of hours )


III.b) General Activity and other dreams alike

( Notation: Low/Crappy Activity Moderate Activity High/Very High Activity Insane Activity/BSF hate!! )


1-1 CPT Zósite Kónstyte Styles   

  • Trying to contact less active Cyclonites and hire a new Flight II Leader.
  • Started my recruiting stuff once again.
  • Graded [MP/2] IWATS.
  • Graded [AMP] IWATS.
  • Graded [AMP] IWATS (Yet again :P).
  • Uploading all Cyclone website stuff at last now that my server problems have been fixed.
  • Awarded IS-GW for 1st place in "Training Office Triathlon" (Pilot)
  • Awarded IS-SR for 2nd place in "Training Office Triathlon" (Scholar)
  • Completed XvT-IW 9 (6 missions) (AT LAST this accursed file was BSFd by the TACcy herself!)
  • Awarded MoC-BoC for correct answers on "Roster Fact Hunt V".
  • Completed TIE-FREE 27 (New highscore!)
  • Completed BoP-FREE 27 (New highscore!)
  • Completed XWA-FREE 117 (New highscore!)
  • Completed XWA-FREE 1-40 & 42-66 & 68-70 (68 missions).
  • Completed XvT-FREE 76 (New highscore!)
  • Compiled WSR.
  • Updated Cyclone website.

1-2 LT Vertigo      

  • Completed XvT-TC 31 (4 missions) (Highscore in mission 3!)
  • Passed [MP/2] IWATS Course - 91%
  • Passed [AMP] IWATS Course - 84%
  • Passed [AMP] IWATS Course - 96% (Yes, again ^_^)
  • Awarded IS-GR on "A Mission lasts 10 mins... A "Kill" lasts Forever!!"
  • Uploaded a new uniform to the database.
  • Excellent e-mail activity!

1-3 LT Lvpps       

  • He's currently busy as hell with RL academics but he told me he'll do what he can in days ahead.
  • Answers very fast my "status-checking" e-mail.
  • Fair e-mail activity.

2-2 LT Verde       

  • On LoA due to vacations until October 1st... have a good time, Lieutenant! =)

2-3 LT Kraxian Oxxysk        x 2

  • Your bitter fate is upon you! Search your feelings. You know it to be true... Quick! Send me an e-mail to stop it! :-P

3-1 COL Maverick       

  • Played 24/7 LoCs!! 3 losses against DV... well, at least flying with the best he'll improve quickly.
  • Completed XWA-DB 8 (5 missions).
  • Completed XWA-DB 9 (4 missions).
  • Completed XWA-TC 2-4 (15 missions).
  • Completed XWA-TC 5-8 (20 missions).
  • Completed XWA-TC 9-12 (21 missions).
  • Uploaded a new uniform to the database.
  • Sent Flight Leader report.
  • Breath-taking communication levels... as usual.

3-3 CPT Bodo Dent        x 2

  • Not a word from him since those few mins. in #wing_x long ago... ~>:-|

3-4 LCM Godo Nurok       

  • Currently busy RL-wise and waiting for the proper moment to return to active duty.
  • Answers gently my "status checking" e-mail... at last!
  • Fair e-mail communications.

IV.) Do it or DO IT. Don't even dare to try! (aka. Squadron Standing Orders)

  1. Fly AT LEAST a mission/battle from the Compendium!!! You're a pilot, not a wardrobe, and this is important!
  2. Take an IWATS. And if you actually learn something maybe you're doing miracles too! ;-D
  3. Fly some MP. Plenty of comps. to do it. If only you could feel The Power of the Pwnage Side©®!!
  4. Drink; as a truly Challengite this is a must to perform. If only you could feel The Power of the Daze Side of the Booze©®!!
  5. Participate in some competition if possible. Cyclone is here to obliterate any opposition hence our nickname!
  6. For Flight Leaders: I want your weekly reports on Fridays if possible. It's not mandatory but... it's better to not take risks...


Note on order 4: if you can't actually realize this IS NOT a RL way to go you should request transfer to the Sov or something... ¬_¬

V.) Someone flew over the Ewok's Nest (aka. Commander's Corner)


Sith happens... Lieutenant Colonel Kadon Beir is now drinking old scotchs to old Admiralty's health at M/FRG Phoenix and Cyclone Squadron is lacking a proper Flight Leader for "The Wind of Change". So it's now the job of its CMDR, that accursed dude not a robot nor a relic but beyond all hopes and with a crappy sub-luminic ion engine as brain, let's call him Captain Zósite Kónstyte Styles, to find a new replacement; a motivated and loyal Imperial officer capable of managing what it was his own very Flight not so long ago the way it should be.

So here we are, at Colonel Maverick's (Cyclone Flight III Leader) Office where the NUTS Captain is running an interview on all candidates (he tried before at his own "office" but with all the candidates turning blue and their heads exploding before 1 minute he realized it was futile). And it's strange but even with all his knowledge of the TIE Corps Roster none of the candidates rings a bell for him. The current one seems a good candidate indeed but something's not working with him. Let's see...

<CPT Zós> Umm... ok, Mr... Kent. So it seems your training is splendid and you're even capable of flying with no Flightsuit nor craft out there. Interesting indeed...

<C. Kent> Thank you, Sir. I do what I can.

<CPT Zós> But then you tell me about that curious element capable of turning you into a helpless pitiful crying ball.

<C. Kent> Kryptonite, Sir.

<CPT Zós> Yeah, whatever... anyway, that's not the reason why I'm going to reject your application.

<C. Kent> Uhhh... and what's the problem?

<CPT Zós> I can't see your collar and besides I don't like officers wearing fashion briefs OVER the duty pants. Dismissed. >:-|

The next one seems far more humble and it's obvious he has a wide experience on alien races at his side, which could be a feature when trying to enslave them all. It's only his HUGE head that would look horrible over a dress uniform collar. And he's starting to screw it up aiming the CMDR with his finger since he entered the room. :-P

<CPT Zós> Emm... ok, you, where are you from?

<Hammer-head dude> Phone Home...

<CPT Zós> Are you trying to joke on me? You've just arrived and now you're talking about calling home? ARE YOU TRYING TO JOKE ON ME?!! ~>:-F

<Hammer-head dude> Phone Home...

<CPT Zós> Aaaaaaaargh!! ~>:O

<Hammer-head dude> AAAAAAAAAARGH!!! X__x

After such a dramatic and spooky situation a cloaked figure enters the Flight Leader's Office and takes seat in front of Cyclone CMDR. Something seems familiar on this guy for Captain Zósite... but the first thought that comes to his mind is for some Dark Brotherhood "dim monk".

<Cloaked Dude> Emm... well, you see... I come for the Flight Leader job.

<CPT Zós> And you are...

<Cloaked Dude> Well, it's me.

<CPT Zós> No doubt but I'd appreciate some additional information if possible. Maybe some Intelligence Division secret agent trying to ruin my life? I didn't know the Admiral's daughter was so young I tell you!!

<Cloaked Dude> Zosite >:F

<CPT Zós> S-SIR?!! Grand... Grand Admiral... A-Astatine Thalanesis?!!! o__Ou

<GA Astatine> Shut the hell up you fool!! Do you want all the ship to know I'm here right now?

<CPT Zós> But why in the known Universe would you want a Flight Leader spot, Sir? You're the Fleet Commander!! Our leader!! "Da man with da über demotion/expulsion/super-shinies powah ftw"! :___D

<GA Astatine> I need the money.

<CPT Zós> But what about your exorbitant FC payment?

<GA Astatine> Not enough.

<CPT Zós> ... Ehhh... uhhh...

<GA Astatine> Appoint me there or I kill you.

<CPT Zós> Ok, ok... (*sigh*)... I'll consider it. :-P

<GA Astatine> My application?

<CPT Zós> To get myself killed...

And, after many horrible and unspeakable hours trying to find the appropiate officer to fill the Cyclone Flight II Leader spot, Captain Zósite summons all the Squadron to the Wing X Cantina where he's about to speak on such an important subject for Cyclone as a whole. As soon as everybody arrive he provides them huge pints of Chalquilla (they'll need it) and starts talking:

<CPT Zós> Ok, pilots. After many hours interviewing all the candidates to manage our glorious Flight II, "The Wind of Change", and given the fact that none of you has applied for it (curse you... *AHEM*) I have finally come to a decision. I've found at last the appropiate man to command my former Flight. He's a natural leader and a loyal officer and I order you to follow him blindly as he's now acting on my behalf for the glory of Cyclone and the ISD Challenge as a whole.

<LT Verde> Great, Sir! Where is him? I'm impatient to meet such a great man.

<CPT Zós> There you have him...


VI. Who's who on demolishing bussiness (aka. FCHG and Combat Ratings)


Executor [EXCR] (3000 points) & Top Ace 2nd (350 points)

[3939] & [369] CPT Zósite Kónstyte Styles

Paladin [PLDN] (300 points) & No rank (0 points)

[348] & [0] LT Vertigo

No rank (0 points) & No rank (0 points)

[0] & [0] LT Lvpps

Hussar [HUSS] (50 points) & No rank (0 points)

[51] & [0] LT Verde

No rank (0 points) & No rank (0 points)

[5] & [0] LT Kraxian Oxxysk

Paladin [PLDN] (300 points) & No rank (0 points)

[316] & [0] COL Maverick

Fusilier [FUSL] (75 points) & Trainee (1 point)

[85] & [2] CPT Bodo Dent

Cavalier [CAVL] (150 points) & No rank (0 points)

[196] & [0] LCM Godo Nurok

VII.) It's like playing Twister but... (aka. Squadron Roster & Citations)

W-What?! You want me to paste here the Squadron Roster? Why?! You have it in the TC site... But! But!...
Ok... Ok... you want it you get it!

COMMANDER: CPT Zosite Konstyte Styles
NICKNAME: The Demolition Crew
BANNER: cyclone.jpg
MOTTO: "Destruction Imminent"
HOMEPAGE: http://cyclone.isdchallenge.net/
MESSAGE BOARD: http://mb.emperorshammer.net/viewforum.php?f=101

Nickname: Eye of the Storm
Motto: "Fear us not. Fear the destruction that comes with us"
1) CPT Zosite Konstyte Styles
2) LT Vertigo
3) LT Lvpps
4) TBA

What? NO?!! (*sigh*) Ok... Ok... I got it...

COMMANDER: CPT Zosite Konstyte Styles
NICKNAME: The Demolition Crew
BANNER: cyclone.jpg
MOTTO: "Destruction Imminent"
HOMEPAGE: http://cyclone.isdchallenge.net/
MESSAGE BOARD: http://mb.emperorshammer.net/viewforum.php?f=101

Nickname: Eye of the Storm
Motto: "Fear us not. Fear the destruction that comes with us"
1) CPT Zosite Konstyte Styles
2) LT Vertigo
3) LT Lvpps
4) TBA

Nickname: Wind of Change
Motto: "Changing enemies into space dust"
1) TBA
2) LT Verde
3) LT Kraxian Oxxysk
4) TBA

Nickname: Gale Providers
Motto: "May you have the hell wind at your face and my lasers at your six"
1) COL Maverick
2) TBA
3) CPT Bodo Dent
4) LCM Godo Nurok

Squadron Citations (13):
   TIE-TC Battle 1 - Capture of Zaarin
   TIE-TC Battle 3 - New Dimensions
   XvT-TC Battle 4 - Encounter with the Black Sun
   XvT-TC Battle 12 - Odin's Redemption
   XvT-TC Battle 14 - Orion Base Crisis
   XvT-TC Battle 20 - Mysterious People
   XvT-TC Battle 21 - Project X: the T-65C A2 project
   XvT-TC Battle 22 - Rebel Cargo
   XvT-TC Battle 24 - Princess Tatoka's Meeting
   XWA-TC Battle 1 - Avenger Encounter
   XWA-TC Battle 2 - First Contact
   XWA-TC Battle 3 - The Darkon Mystery
   XWA-TC Battle 4 - Privateer

Respectfully NUTS in service:

--- Zósite Kónstyte Styles, Lord of Moonlightshadow ---

CMDR-COOA-TCS-PROF/CPT Zosite Konstyte Styles/Cyclone/Wing X/ISD Challenge
SSx3/BSx6/PCx2/ISM/MoI-BC/IS-25BW-25BR-12SW-7SR-16GW-1GR/LoC-RS-TS-CSx4-Rx4/DFC-BW-Rx4/MoC-9BoC-1SoC-1GoC-1PoC-1DoC/CoB [EXCR]

Ace of Dec06-Jan07-Feb07-Mar07-Apr07-Jun07 / Multiplayer Ace of Feb07-Mar07-Apr07-Jun07-Jul07 / Wing X Pilot of Dec06-Jan07-Feb07-Apr07 / Challenge Top Gun of July TIE/XWA / Cyclone Pilot of Mar07-Apr07-Jun07

"There's good. And there's evil. And it's the Orde what make us capable of differentiate between them. So, don't bother me judging my actions; if they're good or evil. I'm above both. I serve that ORDER."