D Cyclone NUTS Chronicles #29 C

October 28, MMVIII


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< Salute, pilots from Wing X, Wing Commander Domi , Commodore Angel and last but not least Flight Officer Jarek La'an >


Welcome to this, my twenty-ninth Weekly Report for my beloved Squadron, the mighty Cyclone, "The Demolition Crew". Delayed!!! Delayed once again! My most sincere apologies, people, but if it continues this way I'll end releasing two reports with a difference of 10 hours or something. RL job issues, what could I tell you that you haven't already suffered on your own? :__\

Oh, well... nevermind. I'm happy. Yeah, you ears serve you well: your CMDR is happy. A Happy CMDR®! HAPPY-HAPPY! And why the hell is this madman happy, you might ask. Well, I'm so damned happy because the AWOL Check is over. I'm happy because we're finally free of some "dead weight" and now we're ready to start rebuilding from what WE KNOW that WE HAVE. I'm happy because we have a new Cyclonite among us. I'm happy because there're 2 new battles for me to fly. I'm happy because we have at last an updated Fleet Order of Battle. But, above everything else, I'm happy because nobody else knows (now they do know but I'm happy because next week nobody will remember it) that this is actually the last section I use to write on my weekly reports, and that means that this one is OVER. HAPPY. HAPPY... ^_^

Zos & Lara
Happy indeed. Time to celebrate!

I.) But I thought I'd find some Kansas flying farm here!! (aka. Squadron News)


V The AWOL Check ordered by those psychos at the Flight Office...

      *Major Zósite checks again the FO personnel list*

      The AWOL Check ordered by our praised supreme TIE Corps Commander, Fleet Admiral Jarek La'an I, is finally over. Up to 25 TC officers have been AWOLed; their arses merciless kicked out all the way into oblivion. Because noooo, when someone earns himself a fancy AWOL he's not a Reservist, kids, he's not a Reservist because he didn't request such a transfer, which is by the way the GOOD WAY to go in case you find yourself lacking the proper time and/or motivation to keep accomplishing with your duties here; you go to your CMDR and tell him you can't meet the minimum requirements anymore so he can request your transfer. You DON'T stop all communications all of a sudden and pretend to have never existed despite there's a Roster somewhere clearly stating that you're slackering as hell. Noooo, my beloved minions, when someone is AWOLed he's not a Reservist. He's... from that very moment and unless he changes his mind and asks the Flight Officer himself to fix his nasty situation... FORGOTTEN.

      And although I think it has been clear from more than 2 weeks ago who was going to remain here and who was not, here you have the list of those members of "The Demolition Crew" who have been just AWOLed. Here's our own FORGOTTEN list. Too bad, but we all knew the shit was going to hit the fan sooner or later, didn't we? :-\

     - Lieutenant Dalon Holtz, former Cyclone 1-2. Tell me, Lieutenant, how does it feel having about a ton of old e-mails on your inbox from some silly dude pretending to be your superior and even then almost BEGGING for you to answer a single one in order to mantain you in what it WAS your Squadron? Well, now I can tell you how it feels changing all those e-mails for a single and relieving kick. Too bad, Lieutenant. Return to life and we'll talk.

     - Lieutenant Reginald Q. Dork, former Cyclone 1-3. Are you by chance some clon of your Flight mate? Because for some curious reason I'm feeling as telling you exactly the same. :-P

     - Sub-Lieutenant Psyntience, former Cyclone 2-4. You are officially the longest in-service Sub-Lieutenant ever. Enjoy whatever you think it's worth to enjoy! Besides, I'm *STILL* thinking you're just a clon someone forgot loooong time ago. And I don't like to be fooled in such dirty ways. ¬¬

     - Lieutenant H'Dey Omen, former Cyclone 3-2. *SIGH* WHY?! WHY?! Why an officer so damned active and excellent such as you demonstrated to be suddenly decided to stop all levels of communication, let alone to stop all meanings of activity? Why didn't you respond a single e-mail from your CMDR, who thought you could be the next shining star of Cyclone just 1.5 months ago? Why? WHY?... Lucky you! I have nothing but questions but you got yourself A KICK. May we meet again if you decide to come back; I'll be expecting you. :-)

      And trust me: everybody here who decides to perform as these guys above will meet the same fate. I'd rather carry on with a 3-men active Squadron than with a handful of people trying to emulate a standing pole! Now it's time to go further, people! Now nobody can say we're a bloated Squadron full of inactive pilots. Those of you who decided to remain here with me will help in driving the splendid Squadron Cyclone has always demonstrated to be to further peaks of glory and excellence, and you'll be remembered for it. I am, as your CMDR, proud of you right now and will do my best for it to be THAT WAY. It's a promise. =)

V But now crying is over! As if it would have ever started anyway... (ejem) Attention on bar!! Please provide one of our unhealthy welcomes to Sub-Lieutenant Ashkar, who has just decided to complete his traning in Delta Company at Platform Daedalus and join us (at last! :__D) as Cyclone 2-2! Yet another spanish Cyclonite... I SWEAR you I didn't play a role on this madness!! I know you're used to put "madness" side by side with my name every now and then but this was not MY fault! >._D Oh, well... I suppose, Sub-Lieutenant, you have had time enough to learn from us all what is to be learnt. In all this time you've surely learnt to fly as a Cyclonite, to perform as a Cyclonite, to spread bollocks as a Cyclonite, to drink as a Cyclonite! Get now your first rank promotion to full Lieutenant and your way into the (Drunk) Side (of the Booze) will be complete, my young apprentice! ;-)

      The rest of you!! Go to my "Secret Destillery" already and bring here all those crates of Chalquilla (yes, CHALQUILLA! Two 'L's! And I won't bow to any Logistics Office spawn's logic >:-J) for the party. They have been waiting for too long and it's time to relieve them from such an unbehaving inactivity.

V Two new battles released!! The whole known Universe can meet its ominous end but we'll be releasing stuff 'till that very day. And even after that we'll keep releasing them in order to start again by the book! These two came from our beloved TAC, Fleet Admiral Dempsey herself. And I'll say even more: these two were officially tested by MYSELF as Tactical Surveyor (that 'TCS' thingy at my IDline...) so if you find any error/inconsistence/bug while flying them you're either cheating or trying to piss me off. Either way I won't rest until you realize how wrong you are; and it could involve all sorts of pointy things. Heed my words!! ^_^

XvT-TC 130 : The Chalquilla Wars by FA Anahorn Dempsey <--- ( You *WANT* to fly this one!!!)
XWA-ID 2 : Dark Forces by FA Anahorn Dempsey

V Do you remember I told you about the returning of the Science Office site in my last report? Well, I also stated that there's where the Fleet Order of Battle used to be stored, always available for all of you to take a look in case anyone wants to know in detail why am I always speaking about a Fleet or something. Yeeeeees, I know that the almighty 'Chal' would be enough to conquer whatever Galaxies need to be conquered, but we also need a "Fleet" in order to fool our enemies to think the same, ok? Besides, it always comes to be of some use for those pilots also interested in creating missions/battles like those two you have above. They always tend to screw it up the worst way possible for no apparent reason, but anyway... xD So here you will find the full graphical version of such an important and interesting document (don't bother trying to click on the ships though; the SCO, FA Ender mBind, still needs to upload there again all craft data):


     There you'll find the legendary 'Lady Sov', the always-lost-in-space 'Sub', the infamous squid-bucket 'Redemption' and all sorts of native space fauna alike... there you'll also find all those ships that were back in the day but aren't anymore. May Palpatine make us live enough to see the day when at least some of those ships will be commissioned again due to some radical increment on our active membership!! (*snif*) :___(

     Aaaaaaand, excellent news from The Internet Office!!! It seems the new TC database is finally reaching its last stages for a full presentation and mandatory resurrection. For the time being, our skillful, dedicated (and semi-naked) Internet Officer and EH Trustee, Admiral Joey 'Stryfe' Calvey, has enabled for us a temporary and very easy way to find the most basic information on our old profiles. But don't panic yet!! That's NOT all that remains from your profiles but only the most basic information of your main profile page. And there's no layout yet, so please don't come to me asking for a good aimed blaster shot to put an end to your suffering; you can be sure that in the end we'll see something there that we can be proud of! Now check out this one and don't hesitate to look for your old stuff:


V And finally, as COOA, I bring you again some Multiplayer news for all of you to rejoyce and calm down all that lust you may have on vaping things and providing havoc everywhere you go. The October edition of the XvT Week of War is now over, but you still have the XWA Week of War CXII there for you to get at least some matches before it comes to an end on November 1st. Was that enough for ya? OF COURSE NOT!!! The 10 year celebration XvT and XWA events are also running on BSC 'till the same very day. Feel free to participate in all them and gain some glory and recognition for The Emperor's Hammer Strike Fleet!! And don't forget you must first sign up yourselves on BattleStats and ask for EH membership there. Only then you'll be able to join the 'NRSD Errant Venture' and start looking for some corpse-wannabes using a fancy "EH_" before your name... And HELL!! I *know* none of you has signed up there yet because as COOA I have admin. access level for EH into BSC and I haven't recieved any membership new request, so the first one coming to me with the classic "Been there, done that, but..." will recieve a funny present from me, involving the best way to obliterate an enemy using only the heaviest and nastiest warheads you can imagine, never ever designed to seek for such a little target. >:-F

     Remember you can find all info on how to sign up yourselves into BSC and request your EH membership, not to mention the proper way to find opponents and play against them for such events in [MP/2] Multiplayer 2 IWATS Course, currently located HERE. I'm ready to grade all your tests as long as you don't mind to send me your answers via e-mail, and you have my word that I'll do as much as necessary for your grading data to be included in your old records as soon as the TC database is restored. And if you want more info on the events themselves you have the "Competitions Section" just some lines below. Yes, I *KNOW* nobody ever reads that but... I'M ALWAYS PRANKING ON YOUR FAMILIES THERE! Go! Go and take a closer look!... (hope this will work... -__-u)


( Spoilers... I have something for you today! Two things actually. First, HERE you have a silly Browser-game I found which fits perfectly with our classic 'Cyclone/Twister/The Wizard of Oz' theme. Enjoy!! ^_^ Aaaaaand, THIS ONE is only for those Cyclonites capable of reading in spanish (about 4 to date if I'm not mistaken!! O__o); for the rest of you... well... find yerselves some english-spanish dictionary! >:P

And then again, some stuff coming straight from the amazing LCM Ark-illos and his own collection of severe mind conditions:

"<LCM Ark-illos> 'Um...sir? What exactly are we shooting at here?' 'Who cares, we look kick-ass and that's really all that matters!'"
Kick-ass dudes?!
Yeah, right... especially with some sort of green goblin monitorizing your performance...
:-P )

II.) As if we haven't enough already with all the TC database stuff!! (aka. Squadron Status and On-going Competitions)


R The AWOL Check is over and we have 'da house' almost tidy for the upcoming Raise the Flag competition!! Right now my primary objective is to assign someone to command our Flight III, "Gale Providers". But rest assured that we'll have our second Flight Leader sooner than you can imagine! ^_^ And be ready! Be very ready 'cos we're going to show everybody else that none dares to challenge "The Demolition Crew" and keeps being three-dimensional!!! >:-D Ummm... ok, with my mainly useless Astrophysics PhD. I could bother you to death fooling you into the proven fact (according to M-theory) that EVERYTHING has actually up to 11 dimensions but we aren't so desperate... YET. ^_^U

R To date I've recieved ONLY ONE FICTION ENTRY for our internal competition "Let there be FUN from TROUBLE". And the crazy dude submitting such an entry dared to pretend being more clever than myself reminding me that the deadline for this comp. was actually TODAY. But as everybody knows none can be more clever than his CMDR, so I've just decided to extend the competition time a few days (enough for the guy to be wrong and me to be right, that's it >:-J); the new deadline, and this time it's an absolut one I tell you, is November 1st!! Feel free to send me all your fictions and graphics while you still have time! I wouldn't want to reccomend him a medal just because nobody else participated (especially now that I hate him 'cos he dared to pretend to be more clever than... oooh, you know the rest...)

Q Yet another weekly Cyclone website update, as usual. Don't forget to check the site often as one of your primary sources of useful information and bollocks of all kinds. All complaints are to be sent directly to the Combat Operations Officer, Mr. TBA, with the subject: "Hehehehe... I've heard that you don't even exist, so listen up carefully: %"$·5@èdfsg’ýUàæy¢fdefete ´{]"·¿*^GX¨+K!!! And the same goes for your mother!"


II.a) Squadron Competitions

( Without the database don't expect ALL those "Details links" to work... but worth a try :-\ )

P Storm Challenge (TEMPORALLY SUSPENDED until I recieve CPT Crsepe's word about it.)
Details HERE
Thunder Squadron asked for mayhem... Acknowleged! Fly the missions! Get the HSs if you can! Write reports on how l33t were you while doing it! And show 'em that whenever somebody asks we about something we tend to add "...and kills us btw" to that something.

P Let there be FUN from TROUBLE
Details in "Cyclone NUTS Chronicles #27"!
The entire Fleet is suffering one of its worst moments and the only things you can think about are writing bollocks and "Photoshoping" nonsenses while having fun from people's trouble, let alone collecting shinies for it. And your CMDR says: WHY NOT? ^_^

II.b) Wing / Ship Competitions

L Wing X Pilot of the Week (There's no reason for it to remain suspended but I'm not sure. Just fly as much as you can! ;-))
Details HERE
As usual, gents! Our almighty WC, Colonel Domi, will award a bronze shinie in a weekly basis and a silver one per month to whoever demonstrates he's perfectly capable of making the rest of us looking as worse as possible. Fly missions, take IWATS, participate in other comps, drink... and well... drink. Everything counts! Especially to drink. :-D

II.c) Emperor's Hammer / TIE Corps / TC Battlegroups Competitions

Oh! Oh my good Lord!! But if I'm going to repeat some TC site info here. Please, have mercy!! :-P

L SP/MP Ace of the TIE Corps - October 2008 (Not sure about the MP division but SP definitely works)
Details HERE
Simple, pretty simple: fly as hell, make your CMDR's life miserable BSFing your stuff and earn medals for it. IS-GW, IS-SW and IS-BW for the 3 best ranking players at the Single Player Kill Board. What else do you need to fill your IDline with useless titles as myself? And also a
MP division! KILL everybody and feel proud for it!! IS-GW, IS-SW and IS-BW for the 3 best ranking players at the Multiplayer Kill Board. You gotta love it!!

L Training Office Recruiting Challenge (Technically available)
Details HERE
An IS-PR... I'm pretty sure many of you think that platinum stuff awardings are just legends and those who actually show such things on their dress uniforms have to pay a monthly fee to the FC himself for him to allow them to lie everybody on how they managed to compite for them. Ok, whatever you say, but whoever first manages to recruit 5! new members for this great club before deadline is in great danger of being awarded one of those. ;-)

L TIE Golf 2008 (Signing up OVER)
Details HERE
Did you think the best way to play a mission was to score as much as possible. Think twice!! What? You think it to be silly? Ok, ok... then I'll just give back to FA Dempsey this IS-PW!! I rented it in order to show you what will be the maximum award... EJEM...

L TAC's Best (October 2008) (TEMPORALLY SUSPENDED)
Details HERE
he good thing about this one is that you don't need to actually do anything; just fly the best you can and if you manage to get some HSs you'll be in the good way for winning here! ;-D

L Match the TAC #10
Details HERE
Check out the link above and you'll see. The objective? Easy... try to match TAC's score in that mission! And remember! For this one don't send your pilot files to your CMDR as usual; they must be sent directly to FA Dempsey and they'll be BSFd at the end of the month. If you fail in such an easy requirement Lady Dempsey will come to you by night with a vengeance and... no, wait, screw that!! *I*'ll come to you by night with a vengeance. >:F

L TACcy Quotes
Details HERE
For this one you'll need to read each and every weekly TAC report and... Mmmm? Stop trying to hang yourselves dammit!! What's the problem?! You are right now reading this, right? Then you'll be able to read ANYTHING so shut the hell up you!! >:( Well, as I was telling you, read those reports, find the movie quote lying there and e-mail FA Dempsey as quickly as you can with your answer!

H 24/7 LoC weekly challenge (Multiplayer!!) (Now with no assigned COO I'm not sure if this one is still valid. But... same as usual; keep those screenies!!)
Details HERE
Never get yourself a DFC was more easy!! Forget all you may have learnt before! Now DFCs are actually awarded for "24/7LoCs" events using the same guidelines as for their classic awardings on hosted events. Kill 3 different people, rank the best player and blahblahblah... Your best bet I tell you! Quick, before someone actually realizes DFCs awarded this way are just too cheap to be truth. :-P

H DJB's Inter-Club Training Event (Multiplayer!!) (Keep the screenies if you want, but don't forget to report the matches at the event page as well)
Details HERE
Let's see... What would be the best way of dealing with our "new" Dark Jedi Brotherhood (DJB, former rDB) friends in order to show 'em our willing to cicatrize old injuries between our clubs? What about sending them all to hell via MP while punishing their prides by the book? >;-D

H XWA Week of War CXII (Multiplayer!!) (Keep the screenies if you want, but don't forget to report the matches into BSC as well)
Details HERE
The best XWA MP competition ever. Period. World-wide! Inter-clubs! And on a monthly basis! Hosted by Battlestats, as usual. Don't forget to take [MP/2] IWATS Course as well as [AMP] if you *REALLY* want to have a chance at this one; the playing level is from the matter the nightmares are made of. LoCs!! DFCs!! Glory not only for you but also for The Emperor's Hammer Strike Fleet as a whole. Do I need to say more? If you never participated on any of these you never played MP for real, and you guess it to be truth.

H 10 Year Celebration XvT (Multiplayer!!) (Keep the screenies if you want, but don't forget to report the matches into BSC as well)
Details HERE
What if I tell you that this month we have 2!! XvT Weeks of War? :-D Well, this one is not a WoW but it uses exactly the same rules and it has been created to celebrate the 10th anniversary of XvT. It will last 'till the end of October. Time to show everybody your worship for the best MP sim ever, as well as your "don't-give-a-damn" attitude towards the most basic manners while merciless killing people there... this month IN STEREO!! xD

H 10 Year Celebration XWA (Multiplayer!!)
Details HERE
Exactly the same as above but changing CDs. Such a stroke of genius, ein? ;-P

III.) No activity?!! You're in the Eye of the Cyclone, by Palpatine's sake! You should be at least dying!

III.a) Transfers / Promotions/ Awards / Bribes


1-2 LT Dalon Holtz    

  • Cyclone 1-2 (Flight Member) ---> AWOL Oblivion


1-3 LT Reginald Q. Dork    

  • Cyclone 1-3 (Flight Member) ---> AWOL Oblivion


2-2 SL Ashkar    

  • Platform Daedalus (Trainee) ---> Cyclone 2-2 (Flight Member)
  • Promotion!! Cadet ---> Sub-Lieutenant


2-4 SL Psyntience    

  • Cyclone 2-4 (Flight Member) ---> AWOL Oblivion


3-2 LT H'Dey Omen    

  • Cyclone 3-2 (Flight Member) ---> AWOL Oblivion


III.b) General Activity and other dreams alike

( Notation: Low/Crappy Activity Moderate Activity High/Very High Activity Insane Activity/BSF hate!! )


1-1 MAJ Zósite Kónstyte Styles    

  • Reflown TIE-FREE 30 for TIE Golf 2008.
  • Reflown TIE-FREE 7 for TIE Golf 2008.
  • Reflown TIE-FREE 137 for TIE Golf 2008.
  • Started working on yet another TCS assignment.
  • Made a promotion warrant for GN Rancorous.
  • Welcoming SL Ashkar to Cyclone!! :D
  • Made appointment/promotion warrant for SL Ashkar.
  • Graded [MP/2] IWATS.
  • Hand-made IWATS Courses notification template.
  • Made a [MP/2] IWATS notification for COL Dax Corrin.
  • Made a medal warrant for COL Domi.
  • Compiled WSR.
  • Updated Cyclone Site.

1-2 LT Dalon Holtz        x

  • AWOLed due to complete lack of activity and communication. Have fun! >:P

1-3 LT Reginald Q. Dork        x

  • AWOLed due to complete lack of activity and communication. Bon voyage! >:P

1-4 COL Obi-Wan       

  • No word from him this week either. Not even IRC activity. Any problem there, Colonel? If you need any help you know where I am. =)

2-1 LCM Ark-illos       

  • Participated in "TACcy Quotes" - #283
  • Flying XWA-DB 1. Not finished :(
  • And YET ANOTHER try in "Match the TAC #10" - 29,128 points
  • And ANOTHER - 27,741 points
  • 24/7 LoCs - 3 games with LCM Vitaru and CT Eledrath.
  • 24/7 LoCs - 4 games with LCM Vitaru, CT Eledrath and Samu (pilot from some Rebel Club)
  • And EVEN ANOTHER 2 tries in "Match the TAC #10", this time at Hard level...
  • 24/7 LoCs - 4 games with LCM Vitaru and CT Ashkar
  • Continues flying XWA-DB 1. Not finished :(
  • Continues flying XWA-DB 1. Not finished :( <-- (Dammit, LCM, I can't remember that one being so hellish ;P)
  • Helping his new FM, SL Ashkar, on his joining!
  • Sent Flight weekly report in time, as usual!
  • Excellent activity then again, both via e-mail and at the Message Boards.

2-2 SL Ashkar       

  • Finally joins the Fleet assigned as Cyclone 2-2!!
  • Answered my welcoming e-mail. Nice mail activity and way to go! :D
  • As stated above, good e-mail activity in order to start by the book. ^_^

2-3 LCM Vitaru       

  • Flown MTT10 some times.
  • Participate in "Competition time!!!!" comp. at Message Boards.
  • Flying XWA-DB 1 (not finished).
  • 24/7 LoCs - 13 games!! with LCM Ark-illos, CT Eledrath and Samu (pilot from Rebel Club).
  • Flying XWA-DB 1 (not finished).
  • Last try at "Match the TAC #10". Waiting for submit it.
  • Some work for "Let there be FUN from TROUBLE" Cyclone comp. XD
  • 24/7 LoCs - 4 games with LCM Ark-illos and CT Ashkar.
  • Submitted FM report in time.
  • Helping SL Ashkar, his new Flight comrade, on his joining!
  • Incredible e-mail activity, including excellent participation on the Wing X mailing list! Nice MBs communication as well!

2-4 SL Psyntience        x

  • AWOLed due to complete lack of almost everything. But hey! He got his own activity entry yet another week! :P

3-2 LT H'Dey Omen        x MORE

  • AWOLed due to complete lack of recent activity and communication. May we meet again in better circumstances. (:_\

3-3 LCM Kael Dalor        x 1000

  • Dammit, Kael!! You're starting to get me worried for ya. Where the hell are you?!! I miss your excellent activity already!

3-4 LT Siriah Tan       

  • Submitted FM report and updated her activity report website.
  • Unparalelled IRC activity!!! #emperor's_hammer... #tiecorps... #isd_challenge... And on a daily basis I tell you! :-D

IV.) Do it or DO IT. Don't even dare to try! (aka. Squadron Standing Orders)

  1. Fly AT LEAST a mission/battle from the Compendium!!! You're a pilot, not a wardrobe, and this is important!
  2. Take an IWATS. And if you actually learn something maybe you're doing miracles too! ;-D
  3. Fly some MP. Plenty of comps. to do it. If only you could feel The Power of the Pwnage Side©®!!
  4. Drink; as a truly Challengite this is a must to perform. If only you could feel The Power of the Daze Side of the Booze©®!!
  5. Participate in some competition if possible. Cyclone is here to obliterate any opposition hence our nickname!
  6. Contact your Flight Leader or Squadron Commander at least once a week!! This is BUT VERY important in order to mantain your arse within the roster. CMDR may well have the nasty mania of kicking mute people out of the airlock...
  7. Be always loyal to the TIE Corps Fleet, then the ISD Challenge and Wing X, then Cyclone.
  8. Kill any rebel scumb, dirty smuggler or pathetic pirate on sight and with a smile on your face. Cleaning 'da house!
  9. Have fun doing all this stated above! Now this one is a f****** order; if you don't accomplish with this one you're really doing nothing. Go away and make something better with your life like having a pathetic RL job, trying for your wife to not cheat you with a REAL PILOT... ahem...
  10. It would be sooo simetric and perfect for you to have a 10th order... but you haven't. :-P


Note on order 4: if you can't actually realize this IS NOT a RL way to go you should request transfer to the Sov or something... ¬_¬

V.) Someone flew over the Ewok's Nest (aka. Commander's Corner)


Victory!! Then again the almighty TIE Corps Flagship, the Imperial II-class Star Destroyer Challenge has conquered the battle field! The TIE Corps High Command (La'an and... ummm... errr... La'an. Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!!! :-P) recieved orders from the Fleet Commander himself to take over planet "Beer-tap" on the "Delirium Tremens Cluster". Not necessary to say that when these orders reached the Executive Officer, Sector Admiral Bonini, he considered a complete waste of time and resources to send there more effectives than just the ISD Challenge and its task force. However, sending less than a full task force could be unnecesary risky so in the end he just sent the 'Chal' there... yes, it made sense for the XO. What's up with that?!

Now "Beer-tap" is well known across the whole Galaxy. And NO, you won't never ever find any reference to it in any map, panflet, guide, road map or Michelin Guide issue, either official or unofficial. But that's because it's known for its excellent brews, ales and all sorts of ardent spirits, whose exports are the main way for the planet to subsist; hence why the exact location of the planet is among the most treasured secrets of the Galaxy. Some time ago, Grand Admiral Cyric managed to steal the exact coordinates from former Fleet Commander, GA Astatine, and decided to keep them secured until his time would come. And well, his time came and it's now time to celebrate by the book.

Time now to talk about the EH-TC communications system, especially when it's used to transmit ORDERS. For some unknown reason, the space radios and hyper-radios tend to behave but very strange when they try to transmit some specific kind of orders; those related to war booties... May this very situation serve as a clear example: when the XO recieved word from FC about conquering the planet and steal all its resources the war booty subject was something like 50% for the FC himself, the rest to be distributed among the XO, the FO and the ISD Challenge crew. When FA La'an was forwarded these orders the war booty had changed to 70% for SA Bonini and the rest for La'an himself and the Challenge crew. When RA Angel was ordered to start preparing the journey the war booty was already 80% for La'an and 20% for Angel's people. And when RA Angel informed COL Domi and ordered him to have his pilots ready for the upcoming battle the war booty became 95% for the 'Chal' COM and the rest to be shared by Wing X members. Curiously, none of the officers above ever came to know about their orders to have been twisted while sailing through the chain of command... that doesn't say much about the feedback reporting system either...

But in the end the astonishing ISD Challenge and the brave Wing X pilots, commanded by Colonel Domi, did what they had to do and, after obliterating the whole "Delirium Tremens" 140 ships-Fleet which was called in for help and conquering "Beer-tap" space in 4.5 mins. they returned to their command ship to have a quick breakfast before the day-cycle could become REALLY SERIOUS. And now the true invasion of the planet can begin! RA Angel has called COL Domi to the 'Chal' command bridge to sort with him the launching procedures of the Stormtrooper units as well as the war tactics for the invasion. Why the WC? Well, because for some reason all Wing X pilots have formerly asked to be included among the invasion Army as simple soldiers. No problem... The Commodore thinks that they only thing they'll get with THOSE dudes down there will be a bunch of silly and untrained "Beer-tap" peasants pretending to be soldiers running away from such ugly dreadful monsters while the real Stormtroopers take care of them from far away with their usual "shoot first, shoot later, and if you have some time left shoot again" manners.

<RA Angel> So that's it, Domi. You'll be in direct charge of your pilots down there. Be careful and report to me directly to keep me well updated on the battle progress. And don't forget: our Stormtroopers have precedence over your people. If I don't do it this way some Hammer Fist Prefect would ask for my neck sooner or later.

<COL Domi> Certainly, Sir. Don't worry, I'll keep them all under the belt. Besides, if they manage to make a single accurate shot with those blaster rifles I eat my rank badge. They can be "da l33t r0xx0rz" of the world when it comes to pilot a starfighter and use its laser cannons but... hehehe... this is going to be funny. ^_^

<RA Angel> Ok, then. Now I'll take a little nap. It's the privilege of the ship Commodore to take a nap while his pilots are risking their lives, you see. Mandatory even. You'll understand it one of these days... *YAAAAAWN* (|-O----- Now you're in command, Domi. Don't screw me the hull painting.

<COL Domi> Three bags full, Sir! I'll order the launching protocols to start in a matter of minutes. ):-J

About half an hour later, the ISD Challenge Commodore wakes up from his little nap at his Office and tries to communicate with his Wing Commander from there using his personal computer terminal.

<RA Angel> Domi! Domi! This is Angel from the 'Chal'. How is it going? Did you already land on the surface?


<RA Angel> Domi! Where are you, dammit?! This is Angel onboard the 'Chal'. Any news on the landing of our troops?


<RA Angel> WTF?!!! Could it be possible that his communicator got broken somehow?

Rear Admiral Angel leaves his Office and returns to the Challenge command bridge. But, something strange is going on... he can't see anybody else in any of the, usually crowded, corridors leading to the bridge...

<RA Angel> No way... Maybe I shouldn't have been so rude when I told everybody that it's crucial to be an example for your subordinates in order to be a good leader. Now everybody decided to follow me and took a nap all of a sudden. O__o

And when the Commodore arrives at the command bridge it's... yeah, you guessed right: EMPTY... Angel slowly walks towards his command chair completely shocked and trying to contact someone with his portable communicator. But after some failed attempts he just approaches a nearby terminal and connects the verbal functions of the main computer.

<RA Angel> Computer! This is RA Angel, security code "******(no, I'm not going to state THAT here; I still want my head where it is)******". Now quickly! Initiate a full scan of the commanding tower and all its sections searching for anybody else and immediately open me a channel to that section.

<"ALC-9000", Chal's main computer> Sorry, Sir. No matches for your query. No other living forms have been detected at the command tower.

<RA Angel> WHAT THE HELL?!!! Computer!! Make a full scan of the Wing X quarters as well as the Stormtroopers assigned sections!! NOW!! >:_____D

<ALC-9000> Sorry, Sir. No matches for your...

<RA Angel> The engineering decks!! Scan now all engineering decks and the rest of the tech-crew sections and subsections! And also all maintenace corridors!

<ALC-9000> 456 matches for your query, Sir. Reactor Core section. Identified as the living forms designated: EWOKS. Do you want me to establish a communication channel for you to...?


<ALC-9000> Unbehaving speech detected. Changing to "silly-standby" mode. Daiiiiisyyyy... Daiiiiisyyyyy

The poor Commodore finally reaches his command chair. And it seems there's a parchment there waiting for someone to find it and read it! RA Angel falls in his chair and starts reading.

"Salute, Sir. All the launching protocols were over 35 minutes after you retired to your Office. We're now on our way to the planet's surface. Curiously enough, it seems ALL ISD Challenge personnel decided to come with us in this mission and I found it interesting as yet another training exercise. But don't panic, Sir; we'll be back there in time following the planned schedule by the letter. You have my personal word that this operation will be a complete success. By the way, I have just recieved the last lines of your debriefing explaining us the distribution of our "confiscated loot" in my computer terminal; it's obvious that some nasty bug prevented these to appear before but now I have them here. Everything will be done following your guidelines: Wing X members will have their 99% of the booty and a more than deserved 1% for our Stormtrooper units! You'll recieve further information as soon as we have finished here. Respectfully at your command:

- Colonel Domi, Wing X Wing Commander -

PD: Hang me if I know why but all communications systems decided to stop working all of a sudden and hence why I needed to use this stupid parchment to tell you all this. Oh! And another thing: please don't try to follow us into the planet, Sir. We need someone up there to take care of our ship and who better than our praised and dedicated Commodore!!"

<RA Angel> NO!! NOOOOOO!!! AAAAAARGHH!!!! Computer!! Quickly make a full scan of the Hangar Bay and all airlocks searching for any available way to abandon the ship!

<ALC-9000> Daiiiiisy.... Daiii... ehhh... ejem! <click> Scan complete, Sir. All airlocks and Hangar Bay main lockgate have been secured under an encrypted 26-digit password. Your command access level would be enough for me to start decoding it though if you request me to do so. E.T.: 250 minutes. Do you want me to...?

But RA Angel is no longer listening the sassy computer. He's now looking through the huge transparisteel window of the command bridge. With his eyes completely out of their orbits and with a rictus on his face more suitable for a rabid baboon than for all the TIE Corps Flagship Commodore he sees that the invasion task force is still at sight, on its way to the planet's surface but still at sight. Not necessary to say that there's nobody hear to hear him but...

'ISD Alone'
"ISD Alone" starring: RA Angel and his awesome Captain Haddock's speech.

VI. Who's who on demolishing bussiness (aka. FCHG and Combat Ratings)

(Not necessary to mention that without a working database these ranks are as updated as the damned FMC website and none of the profile links work... :P)

Gladiator [GLDR] (4500 points) & Jedi 4th (500 points)

[5652] & [509] MAJ Zósite Kónstyte Styles

Dragoon [DRAG] (100 points) & Officer 3rd (40 points)

[121] & [42] LCM Ark-illos

Fusilier [FUSL] (75 points) & No rank (0 points)

[98] & [0] LCM Kael Dalor

Lancer [LANC] (40 points) & Officer 4th (30 points)

[47] & [32] LCM Vitaru

No rank (0 points) & No rank (0 points)

[0] & [0] SL Ashkar

No rank (0 points) & No rank (0 points)

[0] & [0] LT Siriah Tan

? (? points) & ? (? points)

[?] & [?] COL Obi-Wan

VII.) It's like playing Twister but... (aka. Squadron Roster & Citations)

W-What?! You want me to paste here the Squadron Roster? Why?! You HAD it in the TC site... But! But!...
Ok... Ok... you want it you get it!

COMMANDER: MAJ Zosite Konstyte Styles
NICKNAME: The Demolition Crew
BANNER: cyclone.jpg
MOTTO: "Destruction Imminent"
HOMEPAGE: http://cyclone.isdchallenge.org/
MESSAGE BOARD: http://eh.stryfe.net/viewforum.php?f=32

Nickname: Eye of the Storm
Motto: "Fear us not. Fear the destruction that comes with us"
1) MAJ Zosite Konstyte Styles
2) TBA
3) TBA
4) COL Obi-Wan

What? NO?!! (*sigh*) Ok... Ok... I got it...

COMMANDER: MAJ Zosite Konstyte Styles
NICKNAME: The Demolition Crew
BANNER: cyclone.jpg
MOTTO: "Destruction Imminent"
HOMEPAGE: http://cyclone.isdchallenge.org/
MESSAGE BOARD: http://eh.stryfe.net/viewforum.php?f=32

Nickname: Eye of the Storm
Motto: "Fear us not. Fear the destruction that comes with us"
1) MAJ Zosite Konstyte Styles
2) TBA
3) TBA
4) COL Obi-Wan

Nickname: Wind of Change
Motto: "Changing enemies into space dust"
1) LCM Ark-illos
2) SL Ashkar
3) LCM Vitaru
4) TBA

Nickname: Gale Providers
Motto: "May you have the hell wind at your face and my lasers at your six"
1) TBA
2) TBA
3) LCM Kael Dalor
4) LT Siriah Tan

Squadron Citations (?):
 Cyclone citations

Respectfully NUTS in service:

--- Zósite Kónstyte Styles, Lord of Moonlightshadow ---

CMDR-COOA-TCS-PROF/MAJ Zosite Konstyte Styles/Cyclone/Wing X/ISD Challenge
GS/SSx3/BSx9/PCx2/ISM/MoI-BC/IS-74BW-31BR-42SW-13SR-32GW-5GR-3PW/LoC-RSx2-CSx7-Rx4/DFC-SW-Rx4/MoC-13BoC-2SoC-2GoC-1PoC-1DoC/CoLx2/CoB/OV [GLDR]

SP Ace of the TIE Corps 2007 / MP Ace of the TIE Corps 2007 / Top Gun of RtF 2007 / Ace of Dec06-Jan07-Feb07-Mar07-Apr07-Jun07 / Multiplayer Ace of Feb07-Mar07-Apr07-Jun07-Jul07-Sep07-Nov07 / TAC's best of Sep07-Oct07-Nov07-Dec07-Aug08 / Wing X Pilot of Dec06-Jan07-Feb07-Apr07-Oct07-Nov07 / Challenge Top Gun of Jul07 TIE/XWA-Aug07 TIE/XWA-Sep07 TIE/XWA-Oct07 TIE/XWA-Nov07 TIE/XWA / Cyclone Pilot of Mar07-Apr07-Jun07 / Member of Cyclone, Wing Commander's Own on Oct 08

"There's good. And there's evil. And it's the Order what make us capable of differentiate between them. So, don't bother me judging my actions; if they're good or evil. I'm above both. I serve that ORDER."