D Cyclone NUTS Chronicles #3 C

July 22, MMVII


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< Salute, pilots from Wing X, Wing Commander Angel, Commodore Darklord and last but not least Flight Officer Daniel Bonini >


Welcome to this, my third Weekly Report for my beloved Squadron, the mighty Cyclone, "The Demolition Crew". It's funny how I must try to keep finding nonsenses and crazyness of all sorts to fill these; just look at the "Squadron News" section... (*sigh*) Well, at least you'll be safe from the copy-paste thing... I was on LoA almost all the week... far from here, far from any communications access, alone (the g/f doesn't count, she comes with the job xD), and fearing all stuff I would have to sort out on my return... then I return and what I find? Nothing!! Splendid! Thank you all, guys, for providing me so many slackering opportunities. You'll be awarded a fancy Racoons-killing astrolabe in no time! :-D

I.) But I thought I'd find some Kansas flying farm here!! (aka. Squadron News)

( As there are no relevant Squadron News this time I'll do my best to fill this section with some apparently useful information I found on some "Dark Sentinel" issues I have here. I hope you'll find them interesting. Behold!! Spoilers are in order! )


V Doomed!! We're doomed, guys!! The Death Star, the best and most deadly Imperial weapon ever has been completely destroyed by a bunch of humidity farmers flying 5 X-Wings and a couple of "Wishbones"!!! Don't even ask me how but it seems they managed to toss something into the Reactor Core (maybe just one of those Chalquilla replacements we use to clean the ISD hyper-engines)... FROM THE EXTERNAL PERIMETER several kilometers away!!! O___O The main DS engineer and designer is being re-educated right now...

U Last hour from the worst Imperial yellow press ever!! They say that one of those farmers named Lucky Skyblasted or something alike is no other that Lord Darth Vader's son! Well, at least now we know that all Empire stuff remains within the family!

T The famous pirate and smuggler Han Solo has been frozen in carbonite and invoiced to Jabba the Hutt as a birthday gift. I've heard that the carbonite thing is only a decoy. The main reason for him to become frozen appears to be the last taxes increment to overcome the construction of our beloved Emperor's new toy. Maybe just another of those Imperial teddy bears but given our majesty's hobby of developing everything on super-size it could be as giant as a damned star cluster.

ALERT!!! ALERT!!! Last official reports from Endor system say that those "Ewok-furballs" have become rabid and are decimating one of the best Emperor's legions... HA!! Nothing I wouldn't already know; I work with those little bastards 24/7 at my Secret Destillery and nothing good can come from them. I tried to warn them about! I told them but they wouldn't hear!!!

Last issue!! Mon Mothma wears boxer briefs!! Well... (*ahem*)... maybe not very true but we must keep the Imperial morale high. And if you dare to ask how can we even think that imagining HER in boxer briefs could be moralizing I'll start shooting. This one came from the Intel guys so go away and blame on Praetorian CMDR or something! :-P


( Ummm... maybe I should stop buying newspapers from the garbage collectors. But then again: if you want me to have something interesting for you next week DO SOMETHING damnit!! )

II.) As if we haven't enough already with all the TC database stuff!! (aka. Squadron Status and On-going Competitions)


R To date I STILL have only LC Beir's files for the competition against the "Squid Heads". The competition ends TODAY. Nice work!! Now we'll have to stand a bunch of fried calamaris chuckling on us until the frogs start generating hair unless a last minute miracle shows up in the form of some pilot files for me to BSF. What are you waiting for?!! >:F

Q So you want to play the old "we'll mail you as soon as we have nothing better to do" game, ein? Risky risky... especially for you, Captain Wolfblade. Send me a mail quickly or contact me ASAP by other means or you'll enjoy the same journey as SL Tyrian sooner than you think...

R Yet another weekly Cyclone website update. Same as usual: any complaints e-mailed to me along with the proper bribe and bottle. No refunds.


II.a) Squadron Competitions

Cyclone & Inferno vs. Green & Red
Details HERE
Now is when we go and show them hell yet AGAIN. Don't fail me guys!! :D

P Cyclone Pilot of the Month July '07 - August '07
Details HERE
The classic competition established by our own LC Beir on its newest edition. I won't participate so YOU KNOW what to do!!

O Cyclone Student of the Month July '07 - August '07
Details HERE
Because here we also learn... slackering at least

N Cyclone über-1337 of the Month July '07 - August '07
Details HERE
This is to boost MP activity so go and fly or else!! >:F

M Guess the Band (DISCONTINUED)
As you can guess with the stepping down of LC Beir this competition has been discontinued as it involved his WSRs... and there's no place for music on my head beyond that of my ion engines and maybe some celtics and metal to accompany!! :P

II.b) Wing / Ship Competitions

L Monthly Art and Literature Award #1
Details HERE
Wing Commander Angel wants us to write, draw... maybe even to learn Origami! Write something for him before he decides to blackmail us to learn about the Ceremony of Tea!!
This month's subject is: (*drumroll*) The promotion of RA Darklord to COM and COL Angel to WC.

L Challenge Top Gun #1
Details HERE
A whole month to fly 2 FREE missions hunting highscores... the best excuses for not flying them will be awarded a rabid Ewok fencing a pitchfork!!
This month's sorties are: TIE-FREE 111 & XWA-FREE 41

L Wing X Pilot of the Week #1
Details HERE
And here we have again the classic Wing X PotW/PotM!! But behold! This time it's a strictly flying one and the Iron Stars come with wings and not ribbons. FLY!! Fly as hell and don't even think why are you doing so and you may get IS-SWs/IS-BWs, a broken joystick and a brand new mental disorder. 3 for the prize of 1!! :D

II.c) Emperor's Hammer / TIE Corps / TC Battlegroups Competitions

Oh! Oh my good Lord!! But if I'm going to repeat some TC site info here. Please, have mercy!! :-P

L TIE Corps Flying Comp - July/07
Details HERE
Our insigne FO wants us to fly 4 battles looking for highscores in 2 weeks!! True story. It seems he doesn't check current TC activity levels very often. But that goes for everybody else because you, Cyclonites... you ARE GOING TO FLY THEM, DO YA HEAR ME?!

L A Mission lasts 15 mins... a "Kill" lasts Forever!!
Details HERE
BWHAHAHAHAHA!!! I want all you fighting in the Arena within 2 months! And if you use some of your precious time to try and learn something you may get even an IS-GR because I say so. See? I toss shinies, train future opponents and you expand your IDline: everybody happy!

L Build that mission!
Details HERE
Commander Dempsey is still looking for a capable guy to hit the 100% in TM/3. Go and teach her what you're capable of!

KA Rise, Fall & a Birthday!!!!!
Details HERE
Do you want a happy TACcy? You know what to do

I Fury of the Emperor's Hammer Run-On
Details HERE
I haven't read it yet so why don't you do something for me? Help them to make it interesting enough so I'll have fun when I'll finally read it!

H Thursday's Vaping Rhapsody (Multiplayer!!)
My own hosted MP competition! Played on #ehcoo every Thursday from 15:30 EST to 18:30 EST. Either XvT, XWA or IA matches and DFCs available for those skillful enough to get one!

G TIE Corps Capital Brawl (Multiplayer!!)
Hosted by LC Stryker every Wednesday on #ehcoo from 14:00 EST to 19:00 EST. Exclusive FW Multiplayer competition involving capital ships matches. DFCs up for grabs and bribes.

F TIE Corps Training (Multiplayer!!)
Exactly the same as my own competition but hosted also by LC Stryker it happens every Saturday on #ehcoo from 13:00 EST to 16:00 EST.

III.) No activity?!! You're in the Eye of the Cyclone, by Palpatine's sake! You should be at least dying!

III.a) Transfers / Promotions/ Awards / Bribes


1-1 CM Zósite Kónstyte Styles

  • Awarded LoC

III.b) General Activity and other dreams alike

( Notation: Low/Crappy Activity Moderate Activity High/Very High Activity Insane Activity/BSF hate!! )


1-1 CM Zósite Kónstyte Styles

  • Awarded LoC on "TIE Corps Training"
  • Completed TIE-FREE 111
  • Graded [MP/2] IWATS
  • Starting LoA...
  • Return from LoA...
  • Started playing in the XvT Week of War.
  • Compiled WSR.

1-3 CPT Bjorn Wolfblade

  • No activity. AWOL countdown starts next week for you, Captain. Please, contact me immediately.

2-1 LC Kadon Beir

  • No activity. Hey!! Come back! You WERE NOT dismissed.

3-1 LCM Godo Nurok

  • No activity. Any problems there, Lieutenant Commander? :-|

3-2 COL Rei Ayanami

  • IRC activity

3-3 CPT Bodo Dent

  • IRC activity?

IV.) Do it or DO IT. Don't even dare to try! (aka. Squadron Standing Orders)

  1. Fly AT LEAST a mission/battle from the Compendium!!! You're a pilot, not a wardrobe, and this is important!
  2. Take an IWATS. And if you actually learn something maybe you're doing miracles too! ;-D
  3. Fly some MP. Plenty of comps. to do it. If only you could feel The Power of the Pwnage Side©®!!
  4. Drink; as a truly Challengite this is a must to perform. If only you could feel The Power of the Daze Side of the Booze©®!!
  5. Participate in some competition if possible. Cyclone is here to obliterate any opposition hence our nickname!
  6. For Flight Leaders: I want your weekly reports on Fridays if possible. It's not mandatory but... it's better to not take risks...


Note on order 4: if you can't actually realize this IS NOT a RL way to go you should request transfer to the Sov or something... ¬_¬

V.) Someone flew over the Ewok's Nest (aka. Commander's Corner)

After a few minutes looking through the transparisteel window at LC Beir's office, Commander Styles speaks again trying for his pilots, the mighty Cyclone Squadron, to hear him clearly:

<CM Zós> Ok, guys. So, as I was telling you, it's but very important to perform here... the glory of Cyclone goes beyond any personal consideration or issue. I want you active! I want you ready for everything! None will ever challenge us without feeling afterwards the bitter consequences of their fooliness! That's what I seek. That's what you MUST seek. We have a name, pilots, a name and a banner to be reckoned with and to be proud of. If they come with a highscores competition we'll beat even Bruc and Deimos trying to humiliate our opponents! If they come with a participation-involved competition we'll be not 6 but up to 12 against them cloning ourselves if necessary to show them hell!! If they dare to come with a "flying-tons" competition I'll regain my former insane habits and you'll fly the damned Compendium within 2 months to destroy their hopes!! That's what we MUST seek. That's what we must DO!!! And I know I can count on you, guys. I know none of you will disappoint me, will you?... Excellent! So now you know what to do... Any complaints?... Any suggestions?... No?... Really?... Ok, you know what they say: "those who remain quiet just agree". I wouldn't expect less from you. ^_^

<LC Beir> ... (:-| ...

<CM Zós> And now, Colonel, you can release them. ^_^

<Cyclone Squadron - (Beir & Zós)> Hm@#m¬¬mffjkgj%"$·pllg6hj/(&%·dhtxxhvh!!!!!

Commander Styles turns again to the window while Lieutenant Colonel Beir, Flight Leader of "The Wind of Change", releases the rest of Cyclone Squadron from their bindings and gags... While Cyclone CMDR is still muttering a bunch of pissed off pilots approach him from behind fencing all sorts of medieval fancy weapons... (Palpatine knows where did they get them, maybe some remaining stuff from LCM Holtz's quarters... :-P)

<CM Zós> Hmmm... it's nice to be CMDR and be able to motivate people ready to heed your words. :__D

VI. Who's who on demolishing bussiness (aka. FCHG and Combat Ratings)


Executor [EXCR] (3000 points) & Top Ace 4th (250 points)

[3420] & [283] CM Zósite Kónstyte Styles

Grenadier [GREN] (10 points) & Marksman 4th (10 points)

[24] & [11] CPT Bjorn Wolfblade

Aquilifer [AQFR] (500 points) & Trainee (1 point)

[501] & [3] LC Kadon Beir

Cavalier [CAVL] (150 points) & No rank (0 points)

[196] & [0] LCM Godo Nurok

Dragoon [DRAG] (100 points) & Officer 4th (30 points)

[123] & [31] COL Rei Ayanami

Fusilier [FUSL] (75 points) & Trainee (1 point)

[85] & [2] CPT Bodo Dent

VII.) It's like playing Twister but... (aka. Squadron Roster & Citations)

W-What?! You want me to paste here the Squadron Roster? Why?! You have it in the TC site... But! But!...
Ok... Ok... you want it you get it!

COMMANDER: CM Zosite Konstyte Styles
NICKNAME: The Demolition Crew
BANNER: cyclone.jpg
MOTTO: "Destruction Imminent"
HOMEPAGE: http://cyclone.isdchallenge.net/
MESSAGE BOARD: http://mb.emperorshammer.net/viewforum.php?f=101

Nickname: Eye of the Storm
Motto: "Fear us not. Fear the destruction that comes with us"
1) CM Zosite Konstyte Styles
2) TBA
3) CPT Bjorn Wolfblade
4) TBA

What? NO?!! (*sigh*) Ok... Ok... I got it...

COMMANDER: CM Zosite Konstyte Styles
NICKNAME: The Demolition Crew
BANNER: cyclone.jpg
MOTTO: "Destruction Imminent"
HOMEPAGE: http://cyclone.isdchallenge.net/
MESSAGE BOARD: http://mb.emperorshammer.net/viewforum.php?f=101

Nickname: Eye of the Storm
Motto: "Fear us not. Fear the destruction that comes with us"
1) CM Zosite Konstyte Styles
2) TBA
3) CPT Bjorn Wolfblade
4) TBA

Nickname: Wind of Change
Motto: "Changing enemies into space dust"
1) LC Kadon Beir
2) TBA
3) TBA
4) TBA

Nickname: Gale Providers
Motto: "May you have the hell wind at your face and my lasers at your six"
1) LCM Godo Nurok
2) COL Rei Ayanami
3) CPT Bodo Dent
4) TBA

Squadron Citations (33):
   XvT-TC Battle 1 - The Verpine Encounter
   XvT-TC Battle 2 - Capture of a Murderer
   XvT-TC Battle 3 - Preparing for Battle
   XvT-TC Battle 4 - Encounter with the Black Sun
   XvT-TC Battle 5 - Phoenix Saga
   XvT-TC Battle 6 - Wolf Pack Aggression
   XvT-TC Battle 7 - The Resupply
   XvT-TC Battle 8 - The Loshen Resistance
   XvT-TC Battle 9 - The Black Sun Incident
   XvT-TC Battle 10 - Abduction of VA Priyum
   XvT-TC Battle 11 - Wing XIV: Krayt Squadron Training
   XvT-TC Battle 12 - Odin's Redemption
   XvT-TC Battle 13 - Graduates, Graduate!
   XvT-TC Battle 14 - Orion Base Crisis
   XvT-TC Battle 15 - The Cattle Groups: The Search for Dodgy Dairy
   XvT-TC Battle 16 - Deep strike at K'atalla
   XvT-TC Battle 17 - The Burning Season
   XvT-TC Battle 18 - The Scarlet Fleet
   XvT-TC Battle 19 - Project B: the Tie Bomber project
   XvT-TC Battle 20 - Mysterious People
   XvT-TC Battle 21 - Project X: the T-65C A2 project
   XvT-TC Battle 22 - Rebel Cargo
   XvT-TC Battle 23 - The ASF Fishing Trip
   XvT-TC Battle 24 - Princess Tatoka's Meeting
   XvT-TC Battle 26 - INT Shire
   XvT-TC Battle 28 - Imperial Storm II: Dark Horizon
   XvT-TC Battle 30 - Wing XV: Hornet Squadron
   XvT-TC Battle 31 - Pirate Scouts
   XvT-TC Battle 32 - Wing XIV: WC Trouble
   XvT-TC Battle 59 - Cosmetic Wars!
   XvT-TC Battle 96 - 10 Mission Mess
   XWA-TC Battle 1 - Avenger Encounter
   XWA-TC Battle 2 - First Contact

Respectfully NUTS in service:

--- Zósite Kónstyte Styles, Lord of Moonlightshadow ---

CMDR-COOA-TCS-PROF/CM Zosite Konstyte Styles/Cyclone/Wing X/ISD Challenge
SSx2/BSx6/PC/ISM/MoI/IS-20BW-24BR-6SW-5SR-14GW-1GR/LoC-RS-CSx9-Rx3/DFC-BW-Rx2/MoC-6BoC-1SoC-1GoC-1PoC/CoB [EXCR]

Ace of Dec06-Jan07-Feb07-Mar07-Apr07-Jun07 / Multiplayer Ace of Feb07-Mar07-Apr07-Jun07 / Wing X Pilot of Dec06-Jan07-Feb07-Apr07 / Cyclone Pilot of Mar07-Apr07-Jun07

"There's good. And there's evil. And it's the Orde what make us capable of differentiate between them. So, don't bother me judging my actions; if they're good or evil. I'm above both. I serve that ORDER."