D Cyclone NUTS Chronicles #4 C

July 29, MMVII


Loading IO.SYS...
Loading MSDOS.SYS...
Loading COMMAND.COM...
Loading CONFIG.SYS...
Phasecycle: PSFRG304568140694328;ICON;16-79OMUT;94-37RMUT

< Salute, pilots from Wing X, Wing Commander Angel, Commodore Darklord and last but not least Flight Officer Daniel Bonini >


Welcome to this, my fourth Weekly Report for my beloved Squadron, the mighty Cyclone, "The Demolition Crew". A loss against the "Squid Boys" and a FL stepping down... not to mention a nearby AWOL of one of our 6 pilots... I'm so happy I think I'll help Lieutenant Colonel Beir on his next onslaught against the Wing X Cantina. But this time we'll use our starfighters to do that I tell you... and in case you don't know about yet: I like to toss Heavy Rockets upon everything. Even to clear a minefield!!...


I.) But I thought I'd find some Kansas flying farm here!! (aka. Squadron News)


V Green and Red Squadrons from the MC-80b Calamari Cruiser Redemption won the competition against Inferno Squadron and ourselves... D-A-M-N!! Next time please tell me you're going to perform as a Squadron from the M/FRG Phoenix and I'll set the competition against the Chal's protocol droids crew... On the other hand, to Lieutenant Colonel Kadon Beir, Flight Leader of "The Wind of Change", thanks; you did very well!! ;-)

V Your very own CMDR earned 1st!! position for The Emperor's Hammer Strike Fleet on the July XvT Week of War with the only help of that smelly 1337 commanding Praetorian, LC Dirty Vader!! I just can't tell you how I'd like to have some of you helping us there next time. Take [MP/2] and [AMP] IWATS Courses, participating on my IWATS competition at the same time (still 4 IS-GRs for grabs there!!), get some training on our weekly MP competitions and join the NRSD "Errant Venture" for some Rebel Mayhem action!!! LoCs don't fall from the sky but I can always toss 'em to your heads for good MP achievements!! ;-)

V Lieutenant Commander Godo Nurok, former Flight Leader of "The Gale Providers" has stepped down to take Cyclone 3-4 Flight Member position due to heavy RL constraints. I'll try to fill the spot ASAP but for the time being... well... that guy at Flight III Leader's office is not LCM Nurok with a bad case of hirsutism but a damned ewok I dressed as a LCM. We don't want the Flight Office to notice about our little trouble, do we? ;-)

/me looks at the mail addresses where this WSR will be submitted...

D-A-M-N :_______|


( Only 3 news entries?!! Some more "Spoilers" are in order here!! Ready for crazy knowledge you are, young paprika-wans? Noooo? I really don't mind... ^_^ )


V Lord Vader's task force has finally discovered the location of the Rebel Alliance Headquarters!!! They're on Hoth system. Yes, that funny place where the less cold thing you'll ever find is your mother-in-law very smile. And what they did? Did they by chance put a solid blockade upon them after asking for reinforcements so those Rebs would have stay frozen there forever enjoying temperatures capable of freezing a Grand Admiral Astatine's Executive Order? Nooooo... they assaulted the planet, provided our loyal troops some fancy playing against the wampas and the main Rebellion leaders escaped anyway...

U Last hour from the worst Imperial yellow press ever!! After last week's issue about that rebel Luck SprayBlasted being the son of Lord Darth Vader we've discovered that Princess Leia Organa, former Senator on that Imperial Senate joke that Emperor Palpatine disbanded recently after realizing they were wasting their time drinking corellian beer 24/7 and ruling by bollocks, is the very Luck's sister!! And also Lord Vader's daughter, of course. But... I wonder if that was a surprise after all or just some more nepotism on our own Dark Lord of the Sith's side to appoint the family on excellent spots to play political stuff...

TAnd talking about the traitorous Princess... I've heard the dressing she used on her "tour of duty" (hehe) as Jabba the Hutt's slave is on auction at some Outer Rim's smugglers base. Question is: how much for invoicing the Princess INSIDE?! >:J

ALERT!!! ALERT!!! Rebels idiocy levels reach new horizons! They developed a new starfighter called the "B-Wing". You'll recognize it easely as it's like a bloody flying castle maneuvering with the same subtleness as a badly injured bantha. They armed it with 3 laser cannons, 3 ion cannons, warhead launchers, a dumb suicidal pilot and G0d knows what else... What will be the next? A flying Rancor featuring turbolasers at the jaws and a rocket launcher at the...? Oh, wait... ):-P


( Yes, I stopped buying those newspapers from the garbage collectors... but then I decided to ask Lieutenant Colonel Tempest for some. He told me he's a classics-lover and hence his "TIECDpwns!Curseeverythingelse!" attitude. Then he provided me these fresh news above. All complaints should be forwarded to him with my best regards. :-J )

II.) As if we haven't enough already with all the TC database stuff!! (aka. Squadron Status and On-going Competitions)


R Flight III Leader position open for applications!! If any of you is thinking about applying I'll trust him/her if he/she tells me he/she will do well, but ANY of you will need to perform much better under those new levels of responsability. Let's face it: current activity is just not enough to justify a FL position among you. Up to you!! And later don't say I didn't give you the opportunity! :-P

Q Still no news from any of you except LC Beir and LCM Nurok... great! A mail!!! Just a bloody mail!!! Is it so difficult? Did you forget how to write or maybe some traitorous mynock ate your keyboard while flying?... Of flying WHAT??!! Now, please see what happens when this situation keeps the same for time enough to piss me off:

Captain Bjorn Wolfblade, your countdown starts TODAY... 7 more days without any communications and you're AWOL. Sorry.

R Yet another weekly Cyclone website update. Same as usual: any complaints e-mailed to me along with the proper bribe and bottle. No refunds.


II.a) Squadron Competitions

P Cyclone Pilot of the Month July '07 - August '07
Details HERE
The classic competition established by our own LC Beir on its newest edition. I won't participate so YOU KNOW what to do!!

O Cyclone Student of the Month July '07 - August '07
Details HERE
Because here we also learn... slackering at least

N Cyclone über-1337 of the Month July '07 - August '07
Details HERE
This is to boost MP activity so go and fly or else!! >:F

M Guess the Band (DISCONTINUED)
As you can guess with the stepping down of LC Beir this competition has been discontinued as it involved his WSRs... and there's no place for music on my head beyond that of my ion engines and maybe some celtics and metal to accompany!! :P

II.b) Wing / Ship Competitions

L Monthly Art and Literature Award #1
Details HERE
Wing Commander Angel wants us to write, draw... maybe even to learn Origami! Write something for him before he decides to blackmail us to learn about the Ceremony of Tea!!
This month's subject is: (*drumroll*) The promotion of RA Darklord to COM and COL Angel to WC.

L Challenge Top Gun #1
Details HERE
A whole month to fly 2 FREE missions hunting highscores... the best excuses for not flying them will be awarded a rabid Ewok fencing a pitchfork!!
This month's sorties are: TIE-FREE 111 & XWA-FREE 41

L Wing X Pilot of the Week #1
Details HERE
And here we have again the classic Wing X PotW/PotM!! But behold! This time it's a strictly flying one and the Iron Stars come with wings and not ribbons. FLY!! Fly as hell and don't even think why are you doing so and you may get IS-SWs/IS-BWs, a broken joystick and a brand new mental disorder. 3 for the prize of 1!! :D

II.c) Emperor's Hammer / TIE Corps / TC Battlegroups Competitions

Oh! Oh my good Lord!! But if I'm going to repeat some TC site info here. Please, have mercy!! :-P

L TIE Corps Flying Comp - July/07
Details HERE
Our insigne FO wants us to fly 4 battles looking for highscores in 2 weeks!! True story. It seems he doesn't check current TC activity levels very often. But that goes for everybody else because you, Cyclonites... you ARE GOING TO FLY THEM, DO YA HEAR ME?!

L A Mission lasts 15 mins... a "Kill" lasts Forever!!
Details HERE
BWHAHAHAHAHA!!! I want all you fighting in the Arena within 2 months! And if you use some of your precious time to try and learn something you may get even an IS-GR because I say so. See? I toss shinies, train future opponents and you expand your IDline: everybody happy!

L Build that mission!
Details HERE
Commander Dempsey is still looking for a capable guy to hit the 100% in TM/3. Go and teach her what you're capable of!

KA Rise, Fall & a Birthday!!!!!
Details HERE
Do you want a happy TACcy? You know what to do

I Fury of the Emperor's Hammer Run-On
Details HERE
I haven't read it yet so why don't you do something for me? Help them to make it interesting enough so I'll have fun when I'll finally read it!

H Friday's Vaping Rhapsody (Multiplayer!!)
My own hosted MP competition! Played on #ehcoo every Friday from 12:30 EST to 15:30 EST. Either XvT, XWA, FW or IA matches and DFCs available for those skillful enough to get one!

G TIE Corps Capital Brawl (Multiplayer!!)
Hosted by LC Stryker every Wednesday on #ehcoo from 14:00 EST to 19:00 EST. Exclusive FW Multiplayer competition involving capital ships matches. DFCs up for grabs and bribes.

F TIE Corps Training (Multiplayer!!)
Exactly the same as my own competition but hosted also by LC Stryker it happens every Saturday on #ehcoo from 13:00 EST to 16:00 EST.

III.) No activity?!! You're in the Eye of the Cyclone, by Palpatine's sake! You should be at least dying!

III.a) Transfers / Promotions/ Awards / Bribes


1-1 CM Zósite Kónstyte Styles

  • Awarded the Palpatine Crescent
  • Awarded 36 LoCs
  • Awarded DFC


3-4 LCM Godo Nurok

  • Cyclone 3-1 (FL) ---> Cyclone 3-4 (FM)

III.b) General Activity and other dreams alike

( Notation: Low/Crappy Activity Moderate Activity High/Very High Activity Insane Activity/BSF hate!! )


1-1 CM Zósite Kónstyte Styles

  • Completed XWA-TC 49 (5 missions).
  • Awarded PC for helping the FO with some game issues.
  • Awarded 2 LoCs on "Thursday's Vaping Rhapsody"
  • Awarded 36 LoCs on XvT Week of War CVIII.
  • Awarded DFC for EH best player in XvT Week of War CVIII.
  • Completed TIE-FREE 267
  • Completed (again) TIE-TC 1 (5 missions)
  • Compiled WSR.
  • Updated Cyclone website.

1-3 CPT Bjorn Wolfblade

  • No activity. 7 days and you're AWOL, Captain. Please, contact me IMMEDIATELY!!!!! :_P

2-1 LC Kadon Beir

  • No activity. Hey!! Come back! I'll steal you another Imperial bank account otherwise!!!

3-2 COL Rei Ayanami

  • No activity. Yuuuuujuuuu! Colonel, you still there? You weren't appointed to a flag position! Extreme LoAs not allowed!!

3-3 CPT Bodo Dent

  • Some AIM or Messenger activity I think but hang me if I know for sure...

3-4 LCM Godo Nurok

  • Good e-mail activity.
  • Step down as Flight III Leader and transfered to Cyclone 3-4.

IV.) Do it or DO IT. Don't even dare to try! (aka. Squadron Standing Orders)

  1. Fly AT LEAST a mission/battle from the Compendium!!! You're a pilot, not a wardrobe, and this is important!
  2. Take an IWATS. And if you actually learn something maybe you're doing miracles too! ;-D
  3. Fly some MP. Plenty of comps. to do it. If only you could feel The Power of the Pwnage Side©®!!
  4. Drink; as a truly Challengite this is a must to perform. If only you could feel The Power of the Daze Side of the Booze©®!!
  5. Participate in some competition if possible. Cyclone is here to obliterate any opposition hence our nickname!
  6. For Flight Leaders: I want your weekly reports on Fridays if possible. It's not mandatory but... it's better to not take risks...


Note on order 4: if you can't actually realize this IS NOT a RL way to go you should request transfer to the Sov or something... ¬_¬

V.) Someone flew over the Ewok's Nest (aka. Commander's Corner)


Onboard MC-80b Calamari Cruiser Redemption, its Commodore, Wing Commander and Green and Red CMDRs are having some fun from their recent victory against the ISD Challenge pilots...

<VA Pellaeon> So far guys, I expect you made those pretenders to enjoy the bitter taste of being defeated fairly...

<COL Gunman> Indeed, Sir. We provided them a punishment they'll remember for some time, you'll see. Now they'll think twice before making jokes from their last ship victory against us.

<MAJ Ace Fighter> We had to use almost all our painting resources but the results are splendid... >:)

<COL Stryker> Actually, Sir, you'll be able to see the results immediately. The Challenge has just reported us that Cyclone Squadron is about to be launched on patrol duty. Look, there you have 'em...

Redemption's Commodore turns again to look through the transparisteel viewport at the bridge. There, 8 km. away, is the Imperial II-class Star Destroyer Challenge, Flag Ship of the TIE Corps. Suddenly 6 starfighters appear from its Hangar and start flying towards the Calamari Cruiser. 2 Missile Boats, a TIE Advanced and 3 TIE Defenders... ... all them in... in... PINK!!! Someone has turned the mighty Cyclone Squadron into a pink flying bad joke! In just a minute they are at 2 km. and their shame appears clearly visible for the eyes of the Redemption's flag staff.

<VA Pellaeon> BWHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Gold! Splendid! Good work, guys!! :D

<MAJ Ace Fighter> Thank you, Sir! We even "tunned" their cockpits for them to be enclosed in a pink hell.

<COL Stryker> Priceless I tell you!! They deserve all what comes upon them to down their stupid pride a little.

A young Lieutenant™ (why is always a damned "young LT"?!! Why has a LT to be young? Why has to be a Lieutenant? What were first, the Lieutenants or the young people? More info in further WSRs at this very section, stay tunned!) approaches the Redemption's Wing Commander.

<LT Rookiethemost> Colonel, Sir, we have some strange transmissions from those approaching fighters.

<COL Stryker> ? Forward them to the bridge commlink, Lieutenant.

<COL Gunman> Hehe... now is when they present their apologies...

Seconds later the voice of Commander Zósite Kónstyte Styles, Cyclone CMDR, sounds firmly and fills the bridge:

<CM Zós the NUTS> Cyclone!!! Bring all your guns to bear on THAT Cruiser!!! >:F

<COL Stryker> ... O__0 ...

<VA Pellaeon> CRAP!!!... :________D

VI. Who's who on demolishing bussiness (aka. FCHG and Combat Ratings)


Executor [EXCR] (3000 points) & Top Ace 3rd (300 points)

[3458] & [326] CM Zósite Kónstyte Styles

Grenadier [GREN] (10 points) & Marksman 4th (10 points)

[24] & [11] CPT Bjorn Wolfblade

Aquilifer [AQFR] (500 points) & Trainee (1 point)

[501] & [3] LC Kadon Beir

Dragoon [DRAG] (100 points) & Officer 4th (30 points)

[123] & [31] COL Rei Ayanami

Fusilier [FUSL] (75 points) & Trainee (1 point)

[85] & [2] CPT Bodo Dent

Cavalier [CAVL] (150 points) & No rank (0 points)

[196] & [0] LCM Godo Nurok

VII.) It's like playing Twister but... (aka. Squadron Roster & Citations)

W-What?! You want me to paste here the Squadron Roster? Why?! You have it in the TC site... But! But!...
Ok... Ok... you want it you get it!

COMMANDER: CM Zosite Konstyte Styles
NICKNAME: The Demolition Crew
BANNER: cyclone.jpg
MOTTO: "Destruction Imminent"
HOMEPAGE: http://cyclone.isdchallenge.net/
MESSAGE BOARD: http://mb.emperorshammer.net/viewforum.php?f=101

Nickname: Eye of the Storm
Motto: "Fear us not. Fear the destruction that comes with us"
1) CM Zosite Konstyte Styles
2) TBA
3) CPT Bjorn Wolfblade
4) TBA

What? NO?!! (*sigh*) Ok... Ok... I got it...

COMMANDER: CM Zosite Konstyte Styles
NICKNAME: The Demolition Crew
BANNER: cyclone.jpg
MOTTO: "Destruction Imminent"
HOMEPAGE: http://cyclone.isdchallenge.net/
MESSAGE BOARD: http://mb.emperorshammer.net/viewforum.php?f=101

Nickname: Eye of the Storm
Motto: "Fear us not. Fear the destruction that comes with us"
1) CM Zosite Konstyte Styles
2) TBA
3) CPT Bjorn Wolfblade
4) TBA

Nickname: Wind of Change
Motto: "Changing enemies into space dust"
1) LC Kadon Beir
2) TBA
3) TBA
4) TBA

Nickname: Gale Providers
Motto: "May you have the hell wind at your face and my lasers at your six"
1) TBA
2) COL Rei Ayanami
3) CPT Bodo Dent
4) LCM Godo Nurok

Squadron Citations (33):
   XvT-TC Battle 1 - The Verpine Encounter
   XvT-TC Battle 2 - Capture of a Murderer
   XvT-TC Battle 3 - Preparing for Battle
   XvT-TC Battle 4 - Encounter with the Black Sun
   XvT-TC Battle 5 - Phoenix Saga
   XvT-TC Battle 6 - Wolf Pack Aggression
   XvT-TC Battle 7 - The Resupply
   XvT-TC Battle 8 - The Loshen Resistance
   XvT-TC Battle 9 - The Black Sun Incident
   XvT-TC Battle 10 - Abduction of VA Priyum
   XvT-TC Battle 11 - Wing XIV: Krayt Squadron Training
   XvT-TC Battle 12 - Odin's Redemption
   XvT-TC Battle 13 - Graduates, Graduate!
   XvT-TC Battle 14 - Orion Base Crisis
   XvT-TC Battle 15 - The Cattle Groups: The Search for Dodgy Dairy
   XvT-TC Battle 16 - Deep strike at K'atalla
   XvT-TC Battle 17 - The Burning Season
   XvT-TC Battle 18 - The Scarlet Fleet
   XvT-TC Battle 19 - Project B: the Tie Bomber project
   XvT-TC Battle 20 - Mysterious People
   XvT-TC Battle 21 - Project X: the T-65C A2 project
   XvT-TC Battle 22 - Rebel Cargo
   XvT-TC Battle 23 - The ASF Fishing Trip
   XvT-TC Battle 24 - Princess Tatoka's Meeting
   XvT-TC Battle 26 - INT Shire
   XvT-TC Battle 28 - Imperial Storm II: Dark Horizon
   XvT-TC Battle 30 - Wing XV: Hornet Squadron
   XvT-TC Battle 31 - Pirate Scouts
   XvT-TC Battle 32 - Wing XIV: WC Trouble
   XvT-TC Battle 59 - Cosmetic Wars!
   XvT-TC Battle 96 - 10 Mission Mess
   XWA-TC Battle 1 - Avenger Encounter
   XWA-TC Battle 2 - First Contact

Respectfully NUTS in service:

--- Zósite Kónstyte Styles, Lord of Moonlightshadow ---

CMDR-COOA-TCS-PROF/CM Zosite Konstyte Styles/Cyclone/Wing X/ISD Challenge
SSx2/BSx6/PCx2/ISM/MoI/IS-20BW-24BR-6SW-5SR-14GW-1GR/LoC-RS-IS-CSx7-Rx1/DFC-BW-Rx3/MoC-6BoC-1SoC-1GoC-1PoC/CoB [EXCR]

Ace of Dec06-Jan07-Feb07-Mar07-Apr07-Jun07 / Multiplayer Ace of Feb07-Mar07-Apr07-Jun07 / Wing X Pilot of Dec06-Jan07-Feb07-Apr07 / Cyclone Pilot of Mar07-Apr07-Jun07

"There's good. And there's evil. And it's the Orde what make us capable of differentiate between them. So, don't bother me judging my actions; if they're good or evil. I'm above both. I serve that ORDER."