D Cyclone NUTS Chronicles #7 C

August 18, MMVII


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< Salute, pilots from Wing X, Wing Commander Angel, Commodore Darklord and last but not least Flight Officer Daniel Bonini >


Welcome to this, my seventh Weekly Report for my beloved Squadron, the mighty Cyclone, "The Demolition Crew". You'll notice my bollocks-narrative has been dramatically decimated due to my current time constraints. Only two days (and not in full, I also have a life, you know... errr... ehmm... well, officially I don't but anyway) to sort out everything here so I'm on the run right now. X__o

Excellent! Most Impressive®! Another outstanding week for our newest recruits, indeed! Several IWATS Courses passed and tons of missions flown in order to bury me under the BSF approvals, exactly as it's meant to be. ;-) The bad stuff came at the end of the week with one of our old pilots leaving her spot and flying towards the M/FRG Phoenix but you know, everybody needs a break sooner or later... ( the keyword for your CMDR to love you is "LATER³" >:-) )

Well, see you next week!! And beware the killer-bees and the super-duper-active Training Officers. They say they're armed and fully operational despite what your personal Bothan spies could tell you. :-|

I.) But I thought I'd find some Kansas flying farm here!! (aka. Squadron News)


V Shinies rain time for your 24/7 doom (yes, that annoying Captain again)! Plenty of metal on TIE Corps Flying Comp. July '07 for being so crazy (I think). And also a well deserved IS-BW for Colonel Maverick for completing all the battles (and with excellent scores if you want my humble opinion). Follow his example next time all of you and try to bring some points to your beloved "Chal" on Training Office Triathlon; maybe you'll have your very own "piece of the rain" then. ;-)

V Almost all our newest pilots are performing splendid (Lvpps, wtf?! >:P)!! Thanks to Colonel Maverick and Lieutenants Verde and Oxxysk for doing your best for this Squadron to be known for having maybe the most "I-want-a-life!" pilots in the Fleet!! But a special mention goes to Lieutenant Vertigo, who didn't give a damn for what the Fleet doctors reccomended him last time and dared to fly up to 151! missions last week, attempting against my former leadership on the SP Kill Board and also against his blood pressure (which actually are the same very thing... >.-P)

V My most sincere congrats, and also yours because I say so, to Lieutenant Colonel Kadon Beir, Leader of "The Wind of Change" on his well deserved Palpatine Crescent for his notable activity on July. Ask him for some booze at the Cantina if you can want, but since I badly punished his Imperial bank accounts recently maybe you'll only get a silly Dressellian beer and a fancy kick in your teeth.

V Whenever you see a shuttle around the Hangar Bay it can mean two things: reason to rejoyce (and drink) or reason to swear because one of your pilot mates leaves us for the time being (and drink even more to sink your swearing). This time get ready your Imperial handkerchiefs© because Colonel Rei Ayanami was in that shuttle. She had to resign due to RL priorities. Farewell, Colonel, we look forward the day of having you here again as soon as you decide to return spreading some Rebel blood just for fun! Farewell.

V No way!! I depart on semi-LoA and those crazy flags award me a Silver Star of The Empire!! X__x I know you!! You want me out 'till Grand Admiral Ronin (glory-glory) joins the line ranks!! Right? RIGHT?!!! But nooooo!! Just for this I'll provide you hell yet another season. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! >:-) On the other hand it comes obvious that the way for your merits to be properly rewarded here is to go on LoA so you know what to do!! :D (do it and I kill you...)


( "Spoilers"?!! What "Spoilers"? Ok, ok, let me try: the Rebels are stupid. You are not. And that must mean something... somewhere... oh, well... )

II.) As if we haven't enough already with all the TC database stuff!! (aka. Squadron Status and On-going Competitions)


R Captain Dent... Could I suggest you to write me something? And if you are dead please contact some Imperial Wizard or even your attorney so I can know about... :-P

      And somehow the same goes for you, Lieutenant Commander Nurok... I know you're having RL trouble there but I'd appreciate at least a mail so I can check you're still there.

Q Lieutenant Colonel Beir, I would REALLY appreciate some Flight Leader report one of these days if possible. ;-P

Q Yet another weekly Cyclone website update. Same as usual: any complaints e-mailed to me along with the proper... the proper... To the hell! It's not a bribe but some time-warping spell what I want!!! Learn some Sith magic or blackmail Harry Potter, I don't mind, but I want you to provide me with some useful stuff or I'll take your complaints and <EH CoC CENSORED>!!!

Q And here you have the current status of our Squadron-level competitions. I won't participate in any of them, don't panic! xP Just for you to know what are you going into:

Cyclone Pilot of August '07 - September '07

LT Vertigo - 213 missions!!!! O__x
LT Verde - 39 missions
COL Maverick - 35 missions (he has more missions at the Kill Board, but the rest were flown when he was not assigned here yet)
LT Kraxian Oxxysk - 5 missions

Cyclone Student of August '07 - September '07

LT Vertigo - 7 IWATS Courses
LT Kraxian Oxxysk - 4 IWATS Courses

LT Verde - 2 IWATS Courses
COL Maverick - 1 IWATS Course

Cyclone über-1337 of August '07 - September '07

Still no entries although I can understand that going into the MP thingy can be very tricky at its beginnings... Good luck anyway!


II.a) Squadron Competitions

P Cyclone Pilot of the Month August '07 - September '07
Details HERE
The classic competition established by our own LC Beir on its newest edition. I won't participate so YOU KNOW what to do!!

O Cyclone Student of the Month August '07 - September '07
Details HERE
Because here we also learn... slackering at least

N Cyclone über-1337 of the Month August '07 - September '07
Details HERE
This is to boost MP activity so go and fly or else!! >:F

II.b) Wing / Ship Competitions

L Monthly Art and Literature Award #1
Details HERE
Wing Commander Angel wants us to write, draw... maybe even to learn Origami! Write something for him before he decides to blackmail us to learn about the Ceremony of Tea!!
This month's subject is: (*drumroll*) The promotion of RA Darklord to COM and COL Angel to WC.

L Challenge Top Gun #1
Details HERE
A whole month to fly 2 FREE missions hunting highscores... the best excuses for not flying them will be awarded a rabid Ewok fencing a pitchfork!!
This month's sorties are: TIE-FREE 111 & XWA-FREE 41

L Wing X Pilot of the Week #1
Details HERE
And here we have again the classic Wing X PotW/PotM!! But behold! This time it's a strictly flying one and the Iron Stars come with wings and not ribbons. FLY!! Fly as hell and don't even think why are you doing so and you may get IS-SWs/IS-BWs, a broken joystick and a brand new mental disorder. 3 for the prize of 1!! :D

L Name my Planet
Details HERE
CPT Dempsey, Inferno CMDR, has come with this interesting competition about SW knowlege. Go and get some Ribbons! Too bad I can't even remember what MY own planet was... let's hope somebody blew up it in time to prevent other guys like me to abandon it!

II.c) Emperor's Hammer / TIE Corps / TC Battlegroups Competitions

Oh! Oh my good Lord!! But if I'm going to repeat some TC site info here. Please, have mercy!! :-P

L Training Office Triathlon
Details HERE
Vice Admiral Astin, EH Training Officer, has the Gold über powah®©!! The "powah" of awarding you up to IS-GWs and IS-GRs. You have to study! You have to write fiction! You have to fly, Peter! (*cough*) Whatever for you to earn such a great shinies and also to help your own ship, the mighty Challenge, to be called "TO's Own", a title that we DEFINITELY deserve! Go and demolish, my minions!!

L Roster Fact Hunt IV
Details HERE
The COMM wants you to scavenge the database searching for some rusty (and some not so rusty) officers from the very EH Jurassic era!! Find them, pin some more shinies at your chest and call yourselves a true "Imperial Indiana Jones" dude!

L A Mission lasts 15 mins... a "Kill" lasts Forever!!
Details HERE
BWHAHAHAHAHA!!! I want all you fighting in the Arena within 2 months! And if you use some of your precious time to try and learn something you may get even an IS-GR because I say so. See? I toss shinies, train future opponents and you expand your IDline: everybody happy!

L Build that mission!
Details HERE
Captain Dempsey is still looking for a capable guy to hit the 100% in TM/3. Go and teach her what you're capable of!

I Fury of the Emperor's Hammer Run-On
Details HERE
I haven't read it yet so why don't you do something for me? Help them to make it interesting enough so I'll have fun when I'll finally read it!

H Friday's Vaping Rhapsody (Multiplayer!!)
My own hosted MP competition! Played on #ehcoo every Friday from 12:30 EST to 15:30 EST. Either XvT, XWA, FW or IA matches and DFCs available for those skillful enough to get one!

G TIE Corps Capital Brawl (Multiplayer!!)
Hosted by COL Stryker every Wednesday on #ehcoo from 14:00 EST to 19:00 EST. Exclusive FW Multiplayer competition involving capital ships matches. DFCs up for grabs and bribes.

F TIE Corps Training (Multiplayer!!)
Exactly the same as my own competition but hosted also by COL Stryker it happens every Saturday on #ehcoo from 13:00 EST to 16:00 EST.

III.) No activity?!! You're in the Eye of the Cyclone, by Palpatine's sake! You should be at least dying!

III.a) Transfers / Promotions/ Awards / Bribes


1-1 CPT Zósite Kónstyte Styles

  • Awarded 3 IS-SWs
  • Awarded 4 IS-BWs
  • Awarded IS-BR
  • Awarded The Silver Star of The Empire!!
  • Awarded 2 LoCs


1-2 LT Vertigo

  • Awarded IS-BW


2-1 LC Kadon Beir

  • Awarded The Palpatine Crescent


3-1 COL Maverick

  • Awarded IS-BW


3-2 COL Rei Ayanami

  • Cyclone 3-2 ---> M/FRG Phoenix   (:-\

III.b) General Activity and other dreams alike

( Notation: Low/Crappy Activity Moderate Activity High/Very High Activity Insane Activity/BSF hate!! )


1-1 CPT Zósite Kónstyte Styles

  • My semi-LoA starts today... significant performance impact is in order.
  • Awarded LoC on 24/LoCs
  • Awarded 2 IS-SWs on TIE Corps Flying Comp. - July '07
  • Awarded IS-SW on TIE Corps Flying Comp. - July '07
  • Awarded 4 IS-BWs on TIE Corps Flying Comp. - July '07
  • Awarded IS-BR for 3rd place in "Roster Fact Hunt III".
  • Graded [MP/2] and [AMP] IWATS.
  • Hell time trying to keep all in order in so little time. :P
  • Awarded SS from July '07 MWE!!! Yaaaaaaaay!!! :D
  • Awarded LoC on "Friday's Vaping Rhapsody"
  • Compiled WSR.
  • Updated Cyclone website.
  • Passed [TLN] IWATS Course - 100%

1-2 LT Vertigo

  • Uploaded his first uniform to the database.
  • Completed XvT-TC 8, 15-17, 19-20 (29 missions).
  • Completed XWA-TC 1-9 (44 missions).
  • Completed XvT-TC 21-25 (24 missions).
  • Completed TIE-TC 1-4 (23 missions).
  • Completed XWA-TC 10-15 (31 missions).
  • Awarded IS-BW for Cyclone Pilot of the Week.
  • Outstanding e-mail activity!

1-3 SL Lvpps x 2

  • Still Sub-Lieutenant? No communications?!!... but... BUT!!

2-1 LC Kadon Beir

  • Awarded PC from July '07 MWE.
  • Very good IRC activity!

2-2 LT Verde

  • Completed XWA-TC 2 (5 missions)
  • Passed [MP/2] IWATS Course - 75%
  • Passed [AMP] IWATS Course - 84%
  • Completed TIE-TC 4 & 214 (12 missions).
  • Completed TIE-FREE 231.
  • Excellent e-mail activity!

2-3 LT Kraxian Oxxysk

  • Passed [AIM] IWATS Course - 91%
  • IRC activity?... I'm not around very often these days :-P

3-1 COL Maverick

  • Trying to contact his Flight Members.
  • Passed [MCBS] IWATS Course - 100%
  • Awarded IS-BW on TIE Corps Flying Comp. - July '07
  • Completed XvT-ID 1 (5 missions)
  • Completed XWA-FREE 11-20 (10 missions)
  • Sent his first Flight Leader report
  • Completed XvT-DB 10 (4 missions).
  • Impressive e-mail activity and maybe IRC activity too!

3-2 COL Rei Ayanami

  • Farewell, Colonel... and beware those Reservists! Some of them dare to return from time to time xD (/me looks at COL Maverick)

3-3 CPT Bodo Dent

  • ... >:-| ...

3-4 LCM Godo Nurok

  • An e-mail!! Just an e-mail and I'll order my Ewok minions to retrieve those pink ribbons from your TIE Defender!

IV.) Do it or DO IT. Don't even dare to try! (aka. Squadron Standing Orders)

  1. Fly AT LEAST a mission/battle from the Compendium!!! You're a pilot, not a wardrobe, and this is important!
  2. Take an IWATS. And if you actually learn something maybe you're doing miracles too! ;-D
  3. Fly some MP. Plenty of comps. to do it. If only you could feel The Power of the Pwnage Side©®!!
  4. Drink; as a truly Challengite this is a must to perform. If only you could feel The Power of the Daze Side of the Booze©®!!
  5. Participate in some competition if possible. Cyclone is here to obliterate any opposition hence our nickname!
  6. For Flight Leaders: I want your weekly reports on Fridays if possible. It's not mandatory but... it's better to not take risks...


Note on order 4: if you can't actually realize this IS NOT a RL way to go you should request transfer to the Sov or something... ¬_¬

V.) Someone flew over the Ewok's Nest (aka. Commander's Corner)


Tyderian shuttle "Omega-Eta-Zeta-Omicron-Alpha-Beta-Gamma-Super-Duper-Prime-Special-Stuff-&-Co." arrives at Imperial II-class Star Destroyer Challenge's Hangar Bay. It brings Captain Zósite back from his "semi-LoA" (yes, SEMI-LoA, what's up with that?! ¬_¬) for him to put some peace and order into the Gala... erhmm... for him to sort out his Squadron stuff and yet a little more from his TIE Corps multi-tasking. He has two days and not in full, nothing more, nothing less... But look! Here he is! He has just jumped from the shuttle and is already on the run towards his "flying office".

<CPT Dempsey> Hey, Zós! How was your little vac...

CPT Zós stumbles with Inferno CMDR and all her BSF approvals go floor (tons I tell you!). She manages to shout something to her CMDR mate before he disappears in the corridor.

<CPT Dempsey> %&$€@~¬&/=)?¨^Ç:!!!!!!! <--- ( We don't want "Ms. EH" to be demoted so we just won't translate that. )

<CPT Zós> No time!! No time!! I must reach my computer terminal!!

<LT Verde> Hey, Sir! Welcome back! I've just a couple of...

CPT Zós stumbles again with his pilot and the next thing we can see is the poor Lieutenant trying to eat a mouse droid that was around.

<LT Verde> Yohouggffff basssrrgtarjjjhd! I'lllh sssithth innnfff yourrfff neefcckh!! <--- ( He can't be demoted much but anyway. )

<CPT Zós> Time will be over soon!! No time!! And what am I doing talking with a protocol droid anyway? O__o

CPT Zós arrives at Challenge's deck (for the sake of the dramatism let's say it was a shortcut to his office, but actually the best shortcut would have been to jump from the shuttle OUTSIDE the Hangar :-P). There, commanding from his Commodore chair, is Rear Admiral Darklord, who tries to welcome the NUTS CMDR with a Silver Star in his hand.

<RA Darklord> Congratulations, Captain Zósite!! You have been awarded no other than...

As CPT Zós passes by running like hell the COM chair starts to spin wildly and the Admiral suddenly appears over the huge deck's briefing holo-screen.

<RA Darklord> A Space Bomb!!! You have been awarded a Space Bomb and you'll have it in no time I tell you fool!! Somebody help me to down from here. NOW!!!

<CPT Zós> Sorry, Colonel Renegade, Sir!! I have to go immediately!!!... umm... I thought that guy existed only in legends. X_0

And finally Cyclone CMDR reaches his "flying office". He BSFs EVERYTHING, he grades EVERYTHING, he answers EVERYTHING, he travels to VSD Aggressor and hosts EVERYTHING, he travels to VSD Sinister and tests EVERYTHING. And when there're no more EVERYTHINGs on sight he compiles his WSR and returns to his shuttle to depart immediately.

Now, aboard Tyderian shuttle "Greek-Madness" then again, CPT Zósite Kónstyte Styles rests with the pleasure of the duty accomplished, ready to return next week and visit again his little own piece of hell. But, wait... he has a call on his commlink...

<LT Waste-Bin> Captain Styles, Commander of Cyclone?

<CPT Zós> Yes, Lieutenant?

<LT Waste-Bin> How did you know I am a Lieutenant? O_O

<CPT Zós> Oh, come on. It's always a Lieutenant®©. What's up?

<LT Waste-Bin> You have an incoming call from the Flight Officer himself, Sir. May I set it up?

<CPT Zós> Indeed, Lieutenant. And quick!

The voice of Admiral Daniel Bonini, Flight Officer and TIE Corps Commander, appears on the commlink.

<AD Dan> Zósite?

<CPT Zós> Right here, Admiral, Sir!

<AD Dan> I'm just calling to tell you that you did an impressive, splendid, breath-taking job in almost no time. What can I say? No words for your amazing levels of activity for the sake of this our Fleet.

<CPT Zós> Oh, thank you, Sir! I just try to accomplish with my duties in time.

<AD Dan> No doubt. But there're a couple of details I'd like to share with you about how all that hard work could be improved.

<CPT Zós> Always, Sir. Please tell me about.

<AD Dan> Well... let's see... All pilot files that you BSFed went to an expelled EH member, now in command of the rDB. You graded all your IWATS tests with negative scores up to -100%. The battles you tested for the Tactical Office were originals from LucasArts. The link to your weekly Squadron report only drove us to some Gamorrean dancing-girls holo-site. And... according to your COOA report on last MP competition I must award a DFC to Grand Admiral Astatine... >:F

<CPT Zós>    (:___D

VI. Who's who on demolishing bussiness (aka. FCHG and Combat Ratings)


Executor [EXCR] (3000 points) & Top Ace 2nd (350 points)

[3802] & [351] CPT Zósite Kónstyte Styles

Gallant [GALL] (200 points) & No rank (0 points)

[215] & [0] LT Vertigo

No rank (0 points) & No rank (0 points)

[0] & [0] SL Lvpps

Aquilifer [AQFR] (500 points) & Trainee (1 point)

[501] & [3] LC Kadon Beir

Lancer [LANC] (25 points) & No rank (0 points)

[39] & [0] LT Verde

No rank (0 points) & No rank (0 points)

[5] & [0] LT Kraxian Oxxysk

Gallant [GALL] (200 points) & No rank (0 points)

[203] & [0] COL Maverick

Fusilier [FUSL] (75 points) & Trainee (1 point)

[85] & [2] CPT Bodo Dent

Cavalier [CAVL] (150 points) & No rank (0 points)

[196] & [0] LCM Godo Nurok

VII.) It's like playing Twister but... (aka. Squadron Roster & Citations)

W-What?! You want me to paste here the Squadron Roster? Why?! You have it in the TC site... But! But!...
Ok... Ok... you want it you get it!

COMMANDER: CPT Zosite Konstyte Styles
NICKNAME: The Demolition Crew
BANNER: cyclone.jpg
MOTTO: "Destruction Imminent"
HOMEPAGE: http://cyclone.isdchallenge.net/
MESSAGE BOARD: http://mb.emperorshammer.net/viewforum.php?f=101

Nickname: Eye of the Storm
Motto: "Fear us not. Fear the destruction that comes with us"
1) CPT Zosite Konstyte Styles
2) LT Vertigo
3) SL Lvpps
4) TBA

What? NO?!! (*sigh*) Ok... Ok... I got it...

COMMANDER: CPT Zosite Konstyte Styles
NICKNAME: The Demolition Crew
BANNER: cyclone.jpg
MOTTO: "Destruction Imminent"
HOMEPAGE: http://cyclone.isdchallenge.net/
MESSAGE BOARD: http://mb.emperorshammer.net/viewforum.php?f=101

Nickname: Eye of the Storm
Motto: "Fear us not. Fear the destruction that comes with us"
1) CPT Zosite Konstyte Styles
2) LT Vertigo
3) SL Lvpps
4) TBA

Nickname: Wind of Change
Motto: "Changing enemies into space dust"
1) LC Kadon Beir
2) LT Verde
3) LT Kraxian Oxxysk
4) TBA

Nickname: Gale Providers
Motto: "May you have the hell wind at your face and my lasers at your six"
1) COL Maverick
2) TBA
3) CPT Bodo Dent
4) LCM Godo Nurok

Squadron Citations (10):
   TIE-TC Battle 1 - Capture of Zaarin
   TIE-TC Battle 3 - New Dimensions
   XvT-TC Battle 4 - Encounter with the Black Sun
   XvT-TC Battle 12 - Odin's Redemption
   XvT-TC Battle 14 - Orion Base Crisis
   XvT-TC Battle 20 - Mysterious People
   XvT-TC Battle 21 - Project X: the T-65C A2 project
   XvT-TC Battle 22 - Rebel Cargo
   XvT-TC Battle 24 - Princess Tatoka's Meeting
   XWA-TC Battle 1 - Avenger Encounter

Respectfully NUTS in service:

--- Zósite Kónstyte Styles, Lord of Moonlightshadow ---

CMDR-COOA-TCS-PROF/CPT Zosite Konstyte Styles/Cyclone/Wing X/ISD Challenge
SSx3/BSx6/PCx2/ISM/MoI-BC/IS-25BW-25BR-11SW-5SR-14GW-1GR/LoC-RS-TS-CS-Rx1/DFC-BW-Rx4/MoC-8BoC-1SoC-1GoC-1PoC/CoB [EXCR]

Ace of Dec06-Jan07-Feb07-Mar07-Apr07-Jun07 / Multiplayer Ace of Feb07-Mar07-Apr07-Jun07 / Wing X Pilot of Dec06-Jan07-Feb07-Apr07 / Challenge Top Gun of July TIE/XWA / Cyclone Pilot of Mar07-Apr07-Jun07

"There's good. And there's evil. And it's the Orde what make us capable of differentiate between them. So, don't bother me judging my actions; if they're good or evil. I'm above both. I serve that ORDER."