D Cyclone NUTS Chronicles #8 C

August 26, MMVII


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< Salute, pilots from Wing X, Wing Commander Angel, Commodore Darklord and last but not least Flight Officer Daniel Bonini >


Welcome to this, my eighth Weekly Report for my beloved Squadron, the mighty Cyclone, "The Demolition Crew". So here I am again ready to provide you all with plenty of good reasons to visit the M/FGR Faith to enjoy one of those splendid tours of duty with mattresses not only in the beds but also covering the walls.

It was a pretty standard week for us according to my personal taste. Not much flying but several IWATS Courses passed. Not bad but I hope we will be able to improve our activity in next month. This simply is NOT enough for the great Squadron I want Cyclone to be!!

Well, see you next weekend!! And beware the pink flying rancors and the TAC crazy flying-monsters. It's not only they're fully operational; they can make your life miserable falling into you, the firsts because of their own overweight and the seconds because of all those tons of BSF approvals they come with. O__o

I.) But I thought I'd find some Kansas flying farm here!! (aka. Squadron News)


V Well, not exactly a "Squadron News" entry but... what the hell! Lieutenant Colonel Tempest, from Kappa Squadron (a "Sov", you know... ¬_¬), has finally released an open beta of Tempest Tailoring Tool 2!!! What are you waiting for to run for your copy as if there's no tomorrow? It's just breath-taking I tell you, an amazing piece of software... I honestly think someone should award the good Colonel something GREAT... like a transfer from there to here or something >:-). And about you, my Cyclonites, I'd like to see all your uniforms updated ASAP. You gotta love it! Yeah, following the OPS guidelines, following the OPS guidelines and what not... (*sigh*)

V Sub-Lieutenant Lvpps has been promoted to full Lieutenant at last!! Not for flying tons but for providing the PROFs with plenty of work during last week. You were wise in not taking my own Courses for this, Lieutenant; otherwise you would be still waiting for your promotion with little hope at your side >;-). Please provide him the usual congratulations involving the pleasures of him seeing his flags flying drunk (The danger here is not about them flying drunk. Flying would be enough for them to create danger! I'll negate having said that later...) as well as the pleasures of making him to feel solidary as he sees you wasting HIS first LT payment on YOUR booze. And leave something for your CMDR, damnit! >:P

V Our most sincere congrats on your first and last Commendation of Bravery, Lieutenant Verde!! You truly deserved it. You'll notice it looks the same as the CoL which looks the same as the CoS which looks the same as the CoE. Well, that's because the awarding of some Commendation apart from the CoB is soooooooo strange nowadays that we thought it would be a waste of good metal and not so good imagination to make more than just one design (the problem became even worse with Letters of Achievement xD). So we just change its name once each century or so...

V That's it!! The Emperor's Hammer Strike Fleet has a new Tactical Officer (TAC/CS-3)! And she's no other than Vice Admiral Anahorn Dempsey, former Flight Leader on this very Squadron not so long ago. Have our most drunk congrats on your appointment, Admiral. I'm pretty sure you'll do a splendid work in days ahead being even capable of sorting out the mess that the Tactical Office is nowadays. Well, not necessary to mention you'll make your journey to the M/FRG Faith with a mental medical condition right after that... my bet would be a bipolar disorder but only time will tell. ;-)


( Noooooooooo, no "Spoilers" yet... I'm still realizing that The Mighty Galactic Empire was beaten by a group of crazy furballs with slings. Actually half of the known Universe are still trying to realize it. The other half are Rebels and they're stupid as I told you in my last report. Take note. )

II.) As if we haven't enough already with all the TC database stuff!! (aka. Squadron Status and On-going Competitions)


R Captain Bodo Dent... I saw you today briefly in #tiecorps and only that saves your "arse" for now but I want you to e-mail me immediately to report me what can I expect from you in days ahead.

      And about you, Lieutenant Commander Nurok... contact me as soon as you can. I know you don't want to lose your spot within the Squadron and you know I don't want you to lose your spot within the Squadron but it's my duty to assure all my pilots keep in contact with me on a regular basis.

Q Encoded transmission for Lieutenant Colonel Beir: Colonel, I would REALLY appreciate some Flight Leader report one of these days if possible. ;-P It says: Colonel, I would REALLY appreciate some Flight Leader report one of these days if possible. Damn! Did I decode it on loud?! ;-P

Q Yet another weekly Cyclone website update. Same as usual: any complaints sent directly to the waste-bin or e-mailed directly to the Fleet Commander with the subject "No, I don't follow orders and I HATE World of Warcraft!!"

Q And here you have the current status of our Squadron-level competitions. I won't participate in any of them, don't panic! xP And let me tell you I'm very proud of all you, your participation has been splendid with excellent numbers of missions flown and several IWATS Courses passed. Given your motivation I'll provide you with even more competitions next month, this time involving highests scores, for you to grab more shinies; it's a promise. ;-)

      Just for you to know what are you going into:

Cyclone Pilot of August '07 - September '07

LT Vertigo - 219 missions!!!! O__x
COL Maverick - 48 missions (he has more missions at the Kill Board, but the rest were flown when he was not assigned here yet)
LT Verde - 39 missions
LT Kraxian Oxxysk - 5 missions

Cyclone Student of August '07 - September '07

LT Vertigo - 8 IWATS Courses
LT Lvpps - 5 IWATS Courses

LT Kraxian Oxxysk - 4 IWATS Courses

LT Verde - 2 IWATS Courses
COL Maverick - 1 IWATS Course

Cyclone über-1337 of August '07 - September '07

Still no entries although I can understand that going into the MP thingy can be very tricky at its beginnings... Good luck anyway!


II.a) Squadron Competitions

P Cyclone Pilot of the Month August '07 - September '07
Details HERE
The classic competition established by our own LC Beir on its newest edition. I won't participate so YOU KNOW what to do!!

O Cyclone Student of the Month August '07 - September '07
Details HERE
Because here we also learn... slackering at least

N Cyclone über-1337 of the Month August '07 - September '07
Details HERE
This is to boost MP activity so go and fly or else!! >:F

II.b) Wing / Ship Competitions

L Monthly Art and Literature Award #1
Details HERE
Wing Commander Angel wants us to write, draw... maybe even to learn Origami! Write something for him before he decides to blackmail us to learn about the Ceremony of Tea!!
This month's subject is: (*drumroll*) The promotion of RA Darklord to COM and COL Angel to WC.

L Challenge Top Gun #1
Details HERE
A whole month to fly 2 FREE missions hunting highscores... the best excuses for not flying them will be awarded a rabid Ewok fencing a pitchfork!!
This month's sorties are: TIE-FREE 111 & XWA-FREE 41

L Wing X Pilot of the Week #1
Details HERE
And here we have again the classic Wing X PotW/PotM!! But behold! This time it's a strictly flying one and the Iron Stars come with wings and not ribbons. FLY!! Fly as hell and don't even think why are you doing so and you may get IS-SWs/IS-BWs, a broken joystick and a brand new mental disorder. 3 for the prize of 1!! :D

L Name my Planet
Details HERE
CPT Dempsey, Inferno CMDR, has come with this interesting competition about SW knowlege. Go and get some Ribbons! Too bad I can't even remember what MY own planet was... let's hope somebody blew up it in time to prevent other guys like me to abandon it!

II.c) Emperor's Hammer / TIE Corps / TC Battlegroups Competitions

Oh! Oh my good Lord!! But if I'm going to repeat some TC site info here. Please, have mercy!! :-P

L Training Office Triathlon
Details HERE
Vice Admiral Astin, EH Training Officer, has the Gold über powah®©!! The "powah" of awarding you up to IS-GWs and IS-GRs. You have to study! You have to write fiction! You have to fly, Peter! (*cough*) Whatever for you to earn such a great shinies and also to help your own ship, the mighty Challenge, to be called "TO's Own", a title that we DEFINITELY deserve! Go and demolish, my minions!!

L A Mission lasts 15 mins... a "Kill" lasts Forever!!
Details HERE
BWHAHAHAHAHA!!! I want all you fighting in the Arena within 2 months! And if you use some of your precious time to try and learn something you may get even an IS-GR because I say so. See? I toss shinies, train future opponents and you expand your IDline: everybody happy!

L Ace of the TIE Corps - August 2007
Details HERE
Simple, pretty simple: fly as hell, make your CMDR's life miserable BSFing your stuff and earn medals for it. IS-GW, IS-SW and IS-BW for the 3 best ranking players at the Single Player Kill Board. What else do you need to fill your IDline with useless titles as myself?

L MP Ace of the TIE Corps - August 2007
Details HERE
MP division of the monthly Ace competition above. KILL everybody and feel proud for it!!
IS-GW, IS-SW and IS-BW for the 3 best ranking players at the Multiplayer Kill Board. You gotta love it!!

L Build that mission!
Details HERE
Captain Dempsey is still looking for a capable guy to hit the 100% in TM/3. Go and teach her what you're capable of!

I Fury of the Emperor's Hammer Run-On
Details HERE
I haven't read it yet so why don't you do something for me? Help them to make it interesting enough so I'll have fun when I'll finally read it!

H Friday's Vaping Rhapsody (Multiplayer!!)
My own hosted MP competition! Played on #ehcoo every Friday from 12:30 EST to 15:30 EST. Either XvT, XWA, FW or IA matches and DFCs available for those skillful enough to get one!

G TIE Corps Capital Brawl (Multiplayer!!)
Hosted by COL Stryker every Wednesday on #ehcoo from 14:00 EST to 19:00 EST. Exclusive FW Multiplayer competition involving capital ships matches. DFCs up for grabs and bribes.

F TIE Corps Training (Multiplayer!!)
Exactly the same as my own competition but hosted also by COL Stryker it happens every Saturday on #ehcoo from 13:00 EST to 16:00 EST.

III.) No activity?!! You're in the Eye of the Cyclone, by Palpatine's sake! You should be at least dying!

III.a) Transfers / Promotions/ Awards / Bribes


1-1 CPT Zósite Kónstyte Styles

  • Awarded IS-GW
  • Awarded IS-SW
  • Awarded MoC-DoC
  • Awarded 3 LoCs


1-3 LT Lvpps

  • Promotion!! Sub-Lieutenant ---> Lieutenant


2-2 LT Verde

  • Awarded The Commendation of Bravery


3-1 COL Maverick

  • Awarded IS-BW

III.b) General Activity and other dreams alike

( Notation: Low/Crappy Activity Moderate Activity High/Very High Activity Insane Activity/BSF hate!! )


1-1 CPT Zósite Kónstyte Styles

  • Awarded IS-GW as MP Ace of July 2007.
  • Awarded IS-SW as 2nd player in SP Ace of July 2007.
  • Awarded MoC-DoC for correct answers on "Roster Fact Hunt IV".
  • Graded [MP/2] and [XML] IWATS.
  • Passed [MS] IWATS Course - 91%
  • Passed [MS] IWATS Course - 100% (Yes, AGAIN! :P)
  • Uploaded yet another uniform (I like this stuff!!)
  • Passed [ICQ] IWATS Course - 100%
  • Passed [LIN] IWATS Course - 90%
  • Passed [BX] IWATS Course - 81%
  • Passed [BX] IWATS Course - 100% (Yes, AGAIN! :P)
  • Passed [LIN] IWATS Course - 100% (You guessed right: AGAIN xD)
  • Completed TIE-TC 214 (6 missions) (Highscores in missions 4,5,6 and Battle Highscore!)
  • Completed XvT-TC 97 (6 missions) (Highscore in mission 1!)
  • Completed BoP-TC 16 (5 missions) (Highscores in missions 1,2,3,4 and Battle Highscore!)
  • Completed XWA-TC 52 (6 missions) (Highscore in mission 1!)
  • Awarded 3 LoCs on XvT Week of War CIX.
  • Graded [XML] IWATS.
  • Graded [MP/2] IWATS.
  • Passed [AIM] IWATS Course - 100%
  • Graded [AMP] IWATS.
  • Compiled WSR.
  • Updated Cyclone website.

1-2 LT Vertigo

  • Passed [HIST] IWATS Course - 79%
  • Completed XvT-TC 18 (6 missions) (Highscore in mission 2!)
  • No known communications last week.

1-3 LT Lvpps

  • Passed [LIN] IWATS Course - 90%
  • Passed [AIM] IWATS Course - 100%
  • Passed [TLN] IWATS Course - 100%
  • Passed [XTT] IWATS Course - 99%
  • Passed [IBX] IWATS Course - 88%
  • Promoted to Lieutenant!!
  • Very good e-mail activity!

2-1 LC Kadon Beir

  • Good IRC activity!

2-2 LT Verde

  • Awarded the Commendation of Bravery.
  • No news from him this last week.

2-3 LT Kraxian Oxxysk

  • Not a word from him since two weeks ago. Maybe some IRC activity but since I'm not around...

3-1 COL Maverick

  • Uploaded a new uniform to the database.
  • Completed XvT-DB 1 & 3 (8 missions).
  • Sent weekly Flight Leader report.
  • Completed XWA-IW 7 (5 missions)
  • Awarded IS-BW for Cyclone Pilot of the Week.
  • Excellent e-mail and IRC activity!!

3-3 CPT Bodo Dent

  • Some IRC activity...

3-4 LCM Godo Nurok

  • You really need AT LEAST an e-mail here, LCM. True story. For the time being all your booze has been confiscated, all your Twi'lek dancers decomissioned and you've been reassigned to stand the Commodore when sober (short-time job, Threat rank: EXTREME)

IV.) Do it or DO IT. Don't even dare to try! (aka. Squadron Standing Orders)

  1. Fly AT LEAST a mission/battle from the Compendium!!! You're a pilot, not a wardrobe, and this is important!
  2. Take an IWATS. And if you actually learn something maybe you're doing miracles too! ;-D
  3. Fly some MP. Plenty of comps. to do it. If only you could feel The Power of the Pwnage Side©®!!
  4. Drink; as a truly Challengite this is a must to perform. If only you could feel The Power of the Daze Side of the Booze©®!!
  5. Participate in some competition if possible. Cyclone is here to obliterate any opposition hence our nickname!
  6. For Flight Leaders: I want your weekly reports on Fridays if possible. It's not mandatory but... it's better to not take risks...


Note on order 4: if you can't actually realize this IS NOT a RL way to go you should request transfer to the Sov or something... ¬_¬

V.) Someone flew over the Ewok's Nest (aka. Commander's Corner)


Today is a great day for The Emperor's Hammer Strike Fleet!! Today Lieutenant Colonel Tempest from Kappa Squadron, Operations Officer Assistant, has released TTT2 and Grand Admiral Astatine has summoned all the Fleet (TIE Fighter dixit) to Aurora Prime where everybody will be able to update their uniforms at the Über-Party that is going to begin. The mighty TIE Corps Flagship, the Imperial II-class Star Destroyer Challenge, arrives there too carrying the Flight Office crew (at the Wing X Cantina, where else?) as well as its usual bunch of drunk pilots, slackering flags and hordes of rabid Ewoks and racoons.

Captain Zósite Kónstyte Styles, CMDR of Cyclone Squadron, has just requested an audience with the new Operations Officer, Vice Admiral Rejili Holthaus, in order to be well informed about the guidelines every officer must follow by the letter to update his/her uniform without risking his collar + neck in the try. Soon he is allowed to talk with the OPS himself at his office (a paradise for the eyes as the OPS tends to use MoHs and OoRs not awarded yet to decorate the walls).

<CPT Zós> Salute, Vice Admiral Holthaus, Sir.

<VA Rejili> What's up, Captain? I have a little work overload here to sort out before the party and very little time to talk.

<CPT Zós> Well, Sir, it's only I'd like to be well informed about the new guidelines from your Office in order to update my old uniform with the new TTT2.

<VA Rejili> But if I sent an open transmission to the whole Fleet on the subject. Where the hell were you when...?

<CPT Zós> I need some bollocks to fulfill a section within my WSR, Sir.

<VA Rejili> Oh, that... Ok, everyone who has held a command position has needed to do that sooner or later. What do you want?

<CPT Zós> Just to know those new guidelines, Sir. Actually I was thinking about customizing my Duty Uniform with a patch in the collar that...

<VA Rejili> Customizing the Duty Uniform?! No way. Not allowed.

<CPT Zós> Oh... I see... well, I could use it as an add-on for the belt to be used in the dress one because...

<VA Rejili> The belt? No way in hell! The belts stay as they are with the EH logo on them. Not allowed.

<CPT Zós> Uh... yeah, indeed. It's just that I want to place my ribbons at the right side of the jacket and the belt...

<VA Rejili> Nonononono. The ribbons are where they are, above the merit medals at the left. Not allowed.

<CPT Zós> And what about the pilot helmet? I heard it's more customizable. I was thinking about a red helmet that...

<VA Rejili> Dark! The helmet must be dark, damnit!! Not allowed.

<CPT Zós> But the Wing X patch I was going to put at the...

<VA Rejili> Not allowed.

<CPT Zós> And what about the...?


<CPT Zós> But...

<VA Rejili> NOT ALLOWED!!!!

<CPT Zós> ... (:-| ...

Soon afterwards Captain Zósite arrives at the party wearing an old TTT1 flightsuit WITHOUT the helmet. There he meets Colonel Maverick, Flight Leader of "The Gale Providers" within his own Squadron, who is wearing a nice and splendid dress uniform updated with TTT2 and featuring all his medals, including a shiny GoE at the collar.

<COL Mav> Hey, Zós!! How is it going? We were waiting for you.

<CPT Zós> Hello there, Colonel. Well, you see... I was the delayed at the Operations Office and...

<COL Mav> Speaking of which... what the hell are you doing wearing that ancient crap? You should make yourself a new dress uniform using TTT2 to fit well here, with the spirit of the party.

<CPT Zós> ... ~>.-( ...

<COL Mav> But... what happens, Zós? Why are you suddenly turning blue? Did you forget your pilot helmet again while working at your "Flying Office"? You don't look very well...


Some days later, a maximum security prision in Aurora Prime... Vice Admiral Jarek La'an is ready to start the interrogatory of one of the most dangerous and mad prisioners, one who has been recently called an enemy of the Fleet and all which makes sense in the known Universe. His execution is almost imminent but the Judge Advocate General has considered necessary to ask him again about his crimes.

<VA La'an> Ok, Zósite, tell me again why did you make Colonel Maverick, a former Fleet Admiral and a loyal officer under your command, to eat his new uniform before trying to impale him with SSSD Sovereign axial super-laser cannon.

<CPT Zós> Hehehehe... the talking pilot helmet within my head ordered me to do it... BWHA... BWHAHAHAHA!!! Tekeli-li... Tekeli-li... Tekeli-li... Tekeli-li... Tekeli-li...

VI. Who's who on demolishing bussiness (aka. FCHG and Combat Ratings)


Executor [EXCR] (3000 points) & Top Ace 2nd (350 points)

[3837] & [354] CPT Zósite Kónstyte Styles

Gallant [GALL] (200 points) & No rank (0 points)

[223] & [0] LT Vertigo

No rank (0 points) & No rank (0 points)

[0] & [0] LT Lvpps

Aquilifer [AQFR] (500 points) & Trainee (1 point)

[501] & [3] LC Kadon Beir

Lancer [LANC] (25 points) & No rank (0 points)

[39] & [0] LT Verde

No rank (0 points) & No rank (0 points)

[5] & [0] LT Kraxian Oxxysk

Gallant [GALL] (200 points) & No rank (0 points)

[217] & [0] COL Maverick

Fusilier [FUSL] (75 points) & Trainee (1 point)

[85] & [2] CPT Bodo Dent

Cavalier [CAVL] (150 points) & No rank (0 points)

[196] & [0] LCM Godo Nurok

VII.) It's like playing Twister but... (aka. Squadron Roster & Citations)

W-What?! You want me to paste here the Squadron Roster? Why?! You have it in the TC site... But! But!...
Ok... Ok... you want it you get it!

COMMANDER: CPT Zosite Konstyte Styles
NICKNAME: The Demolition Crew
BANNER: cyclone.jpg
MOTTO: "Destruction Imminent"
HOMEPAGE: http://cyclone.isdchallenge.net/
MESSAGE BOARD: http://mb.emperorshammer.net/viewforum.php?f=101

Nickname: Eye of the Storm
Motto: "Fear us not. Fear the destruction that comes with us"
1) CPT Zosite Konstyte Styles
2) LT Vertigo
3) LT Lvpps
4) TBA

What? NO?!! (*sigh*) Ok... Ok... I got it...

COMMANDER: CPT Zosite Konstyte Styles
NICKNAME: The Demolition Crew
BANNER: cyclone.jpg
MOTTO: "Destruction Imminent"
HOMEPAGE: http://cyclone.isdchallenge.net/
MESSAGE BOARD: http://mb.emperorshammer.net/viewforum.php?f=101

Nickname: Eye of the Storm
Motto: "Fear us not. Fear the destruction that comes with us"
1) CPT Zosite Konstyte Styles
2) LT Vertigo
3) LT Lvpps
4) TBA

Nickname: Wind of Change
Motto: "Changing enemies into space dust"
1) LC Kadon Beir
2) LT Verde
3) LT Kraxian Oxxysk
4) TBA

Nickname: Gale Providers
Motto: "May you have the hell wind at your face and my lasers at your six"
1) COL Maverick
2) TBA
3) CPT Bodo Dent
4) LCM Godo Nurok

Squadron Citations (10):
   TIE-TC Battle 1 - Capture of Zaarin
   TIE-TC Battle 3 - New Dimensions
   XvT-TC Battle 4 - Encounter with the Black Sun
   XvT-TC Battle 12 - Odin's Redemption
   XvT-TC Battle 14 - Orion Base Crisis
   XvT-TC Battle 20 - Mysterious People
   XvT-TC Battle 21 - Project X: the T-65C A2 project
   XvT-TC Battle 22 - Rebel Cargo
   XvT-TC Battle 24 - Princess Tatoka's Meeting
   XWA-TC Battle 1 - Avenger Encounter

Respectfully NUTS in service:

--- Zósite Kónstyte Styles, Lord of Moonlightshadow ---

CMDR-COOA-TCS-PROF/CPT Zosite Konstyte Styles/Cyclone/Wing X/ISD Challenge
SSx3/BSx6/PCx2/ISM/MoI-BC/IS-25BW-25BR-12SW-5SR-15GW-1GR/LoC-RS-TS-CS-Rx4/DFC-BW-Rx4/MoC-8BoC-1SoC-1GoC-1PoC-1DoC/CoB [EXCR]

Ace of Dec06-Jan07-Feb07-Mar07-Apr07-Jun07 / Multiplayer Ace of Feb07-Mar07-Apr07-Jun07-Jul07 / Wing X Pilot of Dec06-Jan07-Feb07-Apr07 / Challenge Top Gun of July TIE/XWA / Cyclone Pilot of Mar07-Apr07-Jun07

"There's good. And there's evil. And it's the Orde what make us capable of differentiate between them. So, don't bother me judging my actions; if they're good or evil. I'm above both. I serve that ORDER."